scary, isn't it, how feelings you thought were so far behind you, something you would never deal with again, are suddenly right there againg.
I don't have a lot of alone time in my history...maybe that's part of my problem. I've been in relationships since I was 15, fairly steadily, maybe a total of 2 years time on my own that whole time (added altogether). no terrible blind dates or lonely nights, just a sadness at letting go of someone I cared about. even if I initiated the breakup, it sucked. it was easier than when the guy did, but it was never, ever easy.
the career stuff, on the other hand, is huge. I worked, don't get me wrong, but never found anything I loved or felt passionate about. that is the highest priority for me now. no, I dont have to go to work tomorrow, won't even be compelled to under MA law until my twins (now 3) are 7, so I have a little time. (knock wood, assuming h continues to pull in the $ he does now, of course, and doesn't have a heart attack because of all the stress this has put him under...his words, btw, ass). still, its a reality for my future, something I certainly didn't expect to have to deal with again. but hopefully therapy will help with that, and doing my own soul searching and research. its a whole new chapter. but damn, its scary. trying to think positively, though...thinking of it as an adventure, as opposed to having the rug ripped out from under me.
h just called to say goodnight to the kids and I think he had me on speaker. gag. wonder if ow was in the room. ick. maybe to prove to her that we aren't "too friendly" or something. whatever.
it is what it is. his loss.
just wish the loss I'm faced with didn't hurt so damned much.
okay, back to concentrating on my blessings.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
