Now I've done it...again #5

[nephartiti]

I retained a lawyer yesterday. He is sending a letter that I will not be making a statement. He is also calling them on a jurisdiction issue. They filed the report in the city by the school, not where they live. The lawyer is hoping they have better things to do, but, technically, they have a year to pick up the case. Then I'll get to go to trial. Yipee. He says I may get probation and community service IF I am convicted. He has never ever seen anyone serve time, but, technically, the max sentence is 6 months. Lovely huh?

So a friend of mine and I went to drop off H's stuff at his aunt's house. I specifically didn't call because I did not want to see him. Even if no one was home, I knew I could put everything in the front yard.

Unfortunately, he was there. I don't know wth he was doing there. Damn him and damn me too because I lose control everytime I deal with the SOB. I was fine at first. I was just unloading his stuff. He came outside. We just glared at each other. He didn't lift one single box. We had a whole truck load, mostly heavy boxes of books. About half way through I started shaking. It was horrible. He was just watching. I wanted to smack him.

I told him I was going to press charges from when he hit me and he would have to pay for my tooth. He said ok. He could tell I was upset. He said "My family is watching." I said "good, let them watch". I got more and more worked up. I started just dropping the boxes off the truck onto the ground. It was ugly. He just stood there. Then his cousin came out and was just watching too.

I told him I knew he went to the police station with her, that they told me. Then I said to his cousin, "you guys still believe he's not cheating? I have proof now. When ____ comes out of the wood work, you'll know she's the one."

Then I really did it. Before we left, I was standing in the middle of the street yelling "H and Ow are whores." I pointed at H and said, "He left a four month old baby to be with a whore".

Yup, it was ugly. Yes, I start Anger Management next week. Yes, this doesn't help my case much. He is looking like the sane one while I am a raving lunatic.

I swear I live my day to day life as a normal human being. I handle stressful situations all the time. I am not a nut case.

Why is it that, when it comes to this man at this time, I am so out of control? I was out of control. I really was. Damn me. Damn me. I'm just making things worse for myself. He doesn't care. My screaming at him is just one more piece of evidence for them to use against me. Damn it. WTH was he doing there today? Damn me.