This is gonna be quick but I will try to be thorough...
I'll preface by saying that H brought D12 by the apartment Weds. after trick or treating. We had a nice visit. H talked to S15 about coming and spending the night with him Sat. (tonight) and also on Monday because school is out Tuesday. The plan was made...They were supposed to be working on S15's car but H's parents needed a storm door hung so H called last night and asked S15 if he minded if they went over and did that, S15 of course, said no. H picked him up this morning. I later picked up D12 and she ran some errands with me this afternoon. I started feeling like crap (pms headache) so I took her home at about 5:30 or so. H was grilling and they all told me I was staying for dinner. I really wasn't feeling up to it so I explained to them that I was going to come back to the apartment. D12 was kinda mad at me, but I have to grab these headaches before they take hold of me and I needed my pms meds. She made a remark about "Mom must have a date...". That did not leave my head the whole way back to the apartment so when I got here, I took the meds and waited an hour or so then called them to see what they were doing. H told me to come back over if I wanted to, so I did. I just didn't want anyone thinking I had a friggin date, that's basically why I went back.
So we eat, I wash dishes, H and I mess around, flirt, talk as we always do. He's getting the tests on the arm next week. They think it's a cervical issue, based on the preliminaries. How screwed up that he's out of work again...it's weighing on him. Just when he's getting back on his feet after the knee surgery and climbing out of the debt that left him in, this crap starts. We sat down at the kitchen table and he started talking. He said that's what he missed the most. Talking with me. He talked about this new medical issue, drinking, finances, trying to keep up with everything in the house, keep track of D12's school stuff and make her pull her weight, plus he's trying to get a business off the ground...I just sat there and I started thinking this is all such bullshit. At first I wasn't gonna say it but then I said to myself I haven't got one damn thing to lose - hell pride flew out the door at S15's birthday party last month - so I said it: "I want you to let me come home so I can take care D12 and her school work and the things inside the house so you can concentrate on things you like to do and the things you want to do, like build your business while we work on our relationship with each other". Remember now, that worked for us for the most part - me overseeing school stuff and household chores - obviously though, some things would be different now that he has a clue about what that entails and I have a clue about the outdoor stuff. At first he just sat there then I looked at him and he was kind of smiling and clearly thinking...He said it wouldn't work with things like they are now - I said "you mean spacewise, with me and S15 having to cram ourselves back in here". That was what he meant. He started talking about he got screwed on the refinance and there is no money anywhere and we would need to build an addition and how would we do it? Well, clearly I don't have that answer right now but I know this, if we both get on the same page and make this decision, there is nothing between heaven and hell, or IN hell that I won't overturn to make it happen.
We did not get too much further than that tonight, which is fine. It's now on the table. I did mention the money that I dump into this apartment every month that I could be putting into our home and family. I got up and walked behind him sitting in the chair and leaned down and put my arms around him and told him I love him and kissed him. Being the frisky male, his arm wasn't so bad he couldn't reach around and cop himself a little feel .
I gathered my stuff and told the kids "bye" and he walked out to my car with me. He hugged me tighter than he ever has before and then he wrapped his hand up in my hair and kissed me.
I don't know where the heck we go from here but I'm keeping this issue alive. We are so screwed separately, either way we look at it. Our family is jacked up, we're both alone, struggling and so freakin clearly love each other...that I am tired of the crap. This is just stupid. If the only thing keeping us apart is the fact we need an addition so badly, I'll become a damn carpenter or start begging contractors for charity or something. This I know, we can't cram these two kids back into the same room like it was before I moved out and he moved back in. That would be our undoing. These kids are too old to share a room and since they've been split up, they have actually developed a good relationship. They were "arch enemies" before. We're not screwing that up. The house is just too small now.
So we need a miracle.
Oh, and yes, he did say, "...if we do this..." so it's definitely a thought that he is also entertaining. And besides, you can DB better from under the same roof I hear.
Oh and one BIG thing, he's not under the influence tonight for some reason. I was actually talking to my husband, not a beer can.
You know, I was just hearing a piece on the local radio station this morning about "habitat for humanity" building a house for a single Father and his kids. Apparently, the Father has some health issues and has been unemployed for the last year or so.
I'm not sure how you go about making your situation known to them, but I'm sure this Father reached out for help. There are grants and donations to this charity to help folks that are down on their luck in regards to their living arrangements.
I just wanted to interject that thought because your post reminded me about that Man and his kids.
Last edited by Astimegoeson; 11/04/0701:54 PM.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
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