wow, I just got hit in the face. not literally, figuratively. time to end the basement stuff for a while. I was going thru a box of old memories...stuff from long ago. it was fun for a while, but then it wasn't...it just got awful. sweet stuff from old boyfriends, wonderful stuff from old friends. but the more I got into it, the sadder I got...memories of painful breakups (both with me ending the relationship or with the guy ending it). letters from friends about that and also about my fears about not having a career path. all of the things that I thought were so far behind me...all of those scary feelings of rejection and being lost at sea. I thought I would never feel that way again. I never did find a paying career that I loved, but I loved being a sahm and wife, and it was something my h loved about me, so it all just seemed to fit so perfectly, my life. and I knew I had found my love in my h, and it would last forever.
and now I am back in that same old place, the place I thought was decades behind me.
I closed the box and put it away. I'll deal with the rest of it another day, far in the future, when I can. just amazed at how sad I got, how overwhelmed I got.
I stepped away, went outside with the kids for a bit, chased away the ghosts and feel a bit better now.
ahh, well, its all fodder for therapy on thursday, right?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
