NikkiB #22 (almost separated)

[NikB]

Hi everyone,

Well I started #22 in the MLC forum and thought more about it, and I think I actually belong over here... so.. hi! I know some of you already, and look forward to catching up with you.

Here's a link to my prior thread:
Previous thread #21

I'm not entirely sure where I belong these days, but my last Piecing thread locked, and we are most definitely no longer piecing.

The basics... together about 12.5 years, married for just over 6, original bomb the day after our 5th anniversary. No kids. We separated for about 6 weeks last year, H came back WAY too soon. Things were great for a few months, went downhill gradually, then rapidly - and I got re-bombed in early October. Now he says he only came back because he missed the house.

We are in the same house but we are basically separated. forever21 described it perfectly, it's like that movie "The Breakup" where we know we need to sep but we both refuse to leave. Still sleep in the same bed only because it's the only one we have (which will change shortly, I have a sofa/bed being delivered on Weds). We're civil and sometimes even friendly - hug and kiss goodbye before work and such - but H has clearly said he's "done," never loved me (ummm.. wow why'd you ask me to marry you then??)... all the usual stuff.

At this point I've decided I wouldn't buy H out on the house and he's hinted that he would want to buy me out... so really, it's a matter of seeing if this in home sep will work and if so, for how long. I expect to be the one to leave and have been looking at places just to get an idea what's out there - not ready to act on it yet, but want to know my options.

H doesn't know about any of this, although he wonders what's up with the Lowe's bags and the deep cleaning of the spare bedroom.

I'd still love to reconcile, but it's going to take a lot to get there, if we ever do.

So, I've picked out a room in the house to make "mine" and am trying to kind of turn it into my personal sanctuary. I alternate between sad about where we are, and excited about making it my own. So far I have a night stand (doubles as a mini-dresser), closet system that I need to install, and a "zen like" fountain in there. I'm going with an "island breeze" type feel - clean, greens and blues, bamboo shades.. just making it a nice peaceful place.

The only money I'm spending on stuff that would stay here is paint and bare minimal fixes (like the shower) - the rest of it I'm making sure is stuff that can go with me if/when I move. So I'll have a very nice either bedroom or guest room. I re-did the master bedroom after last year's sep and would take all that stuff with me too, so at least I'll have 2 nice rooms all ready to go!

This morning the thought popped into my head that maybe H just keeps bombing me so I'll redecorate the house.... hehe. I know, twisted humor, but it made me smile a bit. (and no, obviously I don't ACTUALLY think that).

For those who were helping me w/paint colors on my last thread - thanks! I bought a "butter cream" yellow yesterday, just tried it on a section of wall, and EWWWWW. It looked so pretty on the chip and in the can... <sigh>. It may have just been the shade of yellow but it turned me off of yellow entirely. I took the paint chips back out again today and much to my surprise, when I really objectively looked at them, I ended up picking a green. I am trying to decide between two shades now - after the hideous yellow I picked, I will probably go w/the lighter shade.

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday!