quote:"I'm a big girl. I know he's going to do what he's going to do. I know it's got to be my choice to forgive and move forward. And really, I have. But what if he's just laying low for awhile and trying to get me settled down so he can resume his double lifestyle?
What if, what if, what if?
I know I need to let go of the past. Letting go does not mean forgetting and setting myself up for repeated trauma though. I need to get my head wrapped around healthy boundaries and consequences.
I guess I just needed to get it out of my system. Blech. " ...........................................................
Just wanted to thank you for sharing your fears and making ME feel more normal. Your perspective and that of your supporters has helped me this morning.
I too, am haunted by the fact that he looked me in the eye and lied to me like that while living a double life.
If If If he wanted to get out of this marriage with his son close by and the house out of the way, it is sheer brilliance as we are closing on the sale of our home up north in a few weeks.
Our son and I have moved across country to be with him as this is where his new job took him before the A. Talk about a set up.
The other morning the "What If" came crashing in. How hard would it be for them to lay low until his financial burden with me is lifted and his son was adjusted to attending school in his new town. I don't believe it. Not for a minute. But.
What if.
I guess trusting him has to be separate from letting anyone have the power to devastate me when I learn what people are capable of. Even the ones you love.
The innocence was lost and we'll never get that back. We need to mourn it now and then, I suppose, but I don't think I'd trade it for what I've gained-- the knowledge that I CAN not only make it, but THRIVE without him.
