What a great reminder... especially since the holidays are coming up and all the stress they can bring. The holidays may mean that some of them have to face family on both sides after declaring their marriages over at some point. It's hard to explain that they told themselves (and us) what they needed to believe to live with their actions.
When we are piecing it's time to DB harder than ever, not get too complacent and comfortable with the joy that follows a hard fought battle in Hell.
When I see that wall go up, or hear it in his voice, I need to try a little harder.
To have upbeat music playing when he walks in the door.
To be dancing, like no one is watching, around the kitchen making an appetizer or something when I KNOW he will be watching.
To keep my mouth shut when he does start to talk. LISTEN.
In the beginning it is so easy to second guess every far-away look. I sensed the wall, asked him what he was thinking about... then started thinking I wasn't giving him any room to breathe.
Argh.
Not everyday is sunshine and rainbows. The ones that are can get you through it though, once you GET that it's not a reflection of you if they have a bad day.
The frequency of love making slows down for a few nights and you think, the "honeymoon's over". In reality, you are probably closer to getting the love that lasts instead of the immature one many of us embarked upon when we married with stars in our eyes way back then.
ETA: Our "love languages" are different. I should worry more if he stops cooking for me!
Thanks for the reminder, illuminata, and best of luck to you and your family.
