Well, not knowing what your plan is, I hope I don't discourage you. It sounds from the letter she wrote you, that she dreads to hear the next thing you have to say to her. It sounds like she has been getting a lot of them lately. So, my advice would be to back off. That is very scary b/c she has already said that she wanted to leave. But the thing I don't get is that this all sounds too.....shallow. She is doing this b/c she lost her job? Sorry, I don't buy it. I like being independent as well as the next person, but unless there were problems before the job loss I can't believe that was all of it.
You only said that she was going through something like me, but you did not mention another man. Do you think she is involved with somebody else? That was what I had to make a major decision about. I was about to leave my M for a "possible" R with OM. Yes, there had been problems throughout the years, but never had there been OP involved until I met him. But, my personal religious beliefs did a number on me all the time....especially on Sundays. I finally realized that I just could not go on doing what I was doing and stay in Church. I first came to realize that I had to give up the OM, but to actually do it was very hard. So, I wrote him an email and told him that I had to "back away" b/c of my health and nerves, etc. I kind of tested the waters, I guess, b/c I didn't know how he might react to it. He was very sweet and said he understood. So in just a few days, I sent another email and in that I told him that I could not have a PA while I was M and that I should never have gotten involved with him to begin with. That was over three months ago and I have not made contact with him since.
Things would not have worked out if my H had not backed off. He had always given me space.....until he found out about the OM, then suddenly he was smothering me to death. I thought I was going to have to leave just to breathe. I told him that, and he backed off. That is why I think maybe you are pressing you W. If she is wanting to be independent.....you sure don't want to crowd her at this time. Give her lots of space. Read all the advice in the DR book and apply all those techniques. Those are the best principles to go by. You want to look very attractive to her, and not clingly or desparate. Be careful with whatever plan you have b/c almost anything will seem like you are pursuing her.
Today is not a good day for me. Stayed home sick and didn't attend church. So, I don't know that I am giving much advice, but don't give up and if you want to ask me anything else, please do.
Good luck and take care.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
