I need support

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Thank you for the good advice. And yes, I have told my son that he is not responsible for what happened and it is not his responsibility to be "fair" or try to get us back together. Not sure that he believes it though, but working on it.

D8 just had a breakdown minutes ago, ran crying into the bathroom and said she hates her life. I took her to the sofa and made her talk to me. First she didn't say much but finally opened up that this situation has really upset her. She said when she is sleeping over there all she can think about it wanting to be with me. I told both of them there was nothing we could do about him leaving but as you said make the best of it for the 3 of us in the situation. I had her call and talk to him. She asked him if he would sleep over here on xmas so all of us would be together xmas morning. He only said we'll see.

One thing I did get upset over and told him so was her party yesterday - he left before it was over. In my mind nothing could be more important than that. He disagreed, of course, and said no matter if he stayed the night I would complain about something. That is not true but he would not believe it. And I am sure he left and went out partying and drinking. I guess more than anything I was disappointed. He just blew it off and said I am just a bad parent. No real answers you know. I wanted to see I have to expect it now but bit my tongue and said it to myself. I also expect that from now on we will have 2 parties every time which I hate. The kids mentioned it to me as we just went to a friends kids party at their fathers that the mother and family did not attend. Both of my kids said they do not want that. I told them to let him know of their feelings, I can do no more. He will think I put every idea in their head from now on. And I did not. I just hate how bitter it has become. LIke you said, maybe after a few months it will settle more. But that seems worlds away.