Mrs. IC, go home. Don't punish him for being a scared macho manly jerk. Don't let him spend the night by himself.
Thanks for all your posts Lilly. I'm going home where I belong
Originally Posted By: RealJourney
Miss IC, now where did you go? Get that pretty heart shaped a$$ here this instant!
Yes Ma'am !!! I'm going home. No need to break out the whip yet
Honey...you stubborn, stupid azz, crazy, son of a b!tch...I love you !! Like Lilly said, we can get through this. I'm scared honey, I'm really, really scared. I don't want to think about it, but this is the same thing that took your dad. I can't lose you, not now. Ok, this is not helping..this is the fear talking.
Ok, this is not helping..this is the fear talking.
It's okay to be afraid! This IS scary-- make no mistake. Life is scary, and loving someone is scary, because you might lose them. Yes, you're afraid of losing him... that's realistic. But if you withdraw now, you've ALREADY lost him, kwim?
Facing the fear and feeling it will NOT kill you. You can't be positive and upbeat ALL the time. You can't fight the disesas every single minute of the day. Everyone has dark nights-- but SHARE them!
Millions and millions of couples have gone through health crises together... if they can get through it, you can get through it. Do it one day at a time and face whatever is right in front of you. You can get through anything one minute at a time-- together.
Lil, everything you've said here is some of the wisest stuff I've ever read. Thank you for being willing to put your past pain to such wonderful use.
IC and Miss IC -- ((((((( both of you )))))))
I don't think it's strictly a male thing to try to deal with really scary sh*t by one's self as long as possible. (Although all those garbage "be a good little soldier/toughen up" messages we seem to give boys probably do predispose them that way.) There's something about sharing something major with your mate that gives it a weightier reality .... something about seeing the impact on them makes the real even realer, if that makes sense. So we refuse to let them look at the monster for as long as possible -- perhaps in hope that it might just possibly prove to have been some dreadful mistake and go away. Yes, it's stupid, a dysfunctional dance. But very human. IC, forgive yourself; you don't need guilt weighing on you right now. Miss IC ... you too. Neither of you are alone.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Kett, you are absolutely right about how keeping it to yourself is the first thing you think of doing. Especially when it's something really scary like this. Somehow when you share it, it becomes more real. And engaging with the big medical machine that we call our health care system is VERY scary in and of itself.
One night my late H and I were sitting around and watching TV. I could tell something was not right. I didn't know what it was, but I was like Mrs. IC-- I was just picking up funny vibes. (He was already on dialysis at this point.) I kept asking him what was wrong, and he kept saying "nothing." What he meant was he HOPED it was nothing. The next morning he fessed up and told me he had been having chest pains all night. We went to the ER-- I guess I drove him; he never did wind up ever going to the hospital in an ambulance. He wound up having an emergency angioplasty (not the same occasion as the other time I referred to-- I think he had three angioplasties-- I've forgotten). Should I have been mad at him for not telling me he was having chest pains the night before? How could I? He was scared. I was scared.
Three years ago, the day before Easter of 2004, my boyfriend was mowing the lawn and he came in and said he felt like a fist was squeezing the middle of his chest. I gave him three aspirin and told him to chew them. I drove him to the local fire station-- a good intermediate place to go if you think you may be having a heart attack. The guys suggested he go to the ER, so I drove him there. A week later he had quad bypass surgery. Then he confessed that he had had that same squeezing feeling about two months before when working in the yard out at my house in the country, but he hadn't told me. Yeah, he could have died either time... but I really understood why he didn't want to tell me. Because then it would become real.
Mr. & Mrs. IC, I have another piece of advice for you: don't talk this to death. Don't anticipate a bunch of stuff. Make sure all of your insurance is paid up and immediately stop worrying about everything that isn't important, like who picks up their socks, and buying a new car and stuff. I'm not saying to turn your life upside down, but spend a lot of time together just being... watch movies with the kids, take walks, sit and look at the stars. Especially, don't overdo Christmas! Keep it simple. Every day, look around you and be grateful. Gratitude is a great mental, emotional, and physical healer. Use this bad news as an excuse to focus on the family, on friendships, mend emotional fences with people, get a lot of rest, and just be together. Many people who go through cancer say that it really taught them how to live... and they went on to live very long, rewarding lives.
It's okay to be afraid! This IS scary-- make no mistake. Life is scary, and loving someone is scary, because you might lose them. Yes, you're afraid of losing him... that's realistic. But if you withdraw now, you've ALREADY lost him, kwim?
Lilly,
Thank you ! You have no idea how comforting your words are. I am afraid, very afraid and in an odd way, I guess that is ok...it's helping to open my eyes as to how fragile life is. I'll be the first to admit that I've taken IC for granted..that he'll always be there. And now I'm faced with the fact that this is for real. You are so right, all the little daily things that so often get overlooked...NEVER again.
When I got home, IC just held me tight. I wanted so much to hug and kiss him and beat his azz at the same time, but he held me and as he did, a calmness came over me. Even though I KNOW he is scared, he's got...confidence isn't the word I'm looking for, he's just got this thing about him that makes you feel that even in the face of turmoil...that everything is going to be ok. I can't describe it but I FEEL it.
This cancer doesn't know what it's up against in my boy. It might ultimately win the battle but I can say without uncertainty that it will NEVER break his spirit and his will.
What's IC little saying on his signature line...If you can't lick em'..lick em'.....I placing my bet now that he'll lick this one way or another.
Lilly, I'm NOT backing away or withdrawing from IC. I had a lot of mixed emotions today but I'm back in the fight Thank you !
Now if you guys don't mind, I'm going up to snuggle with my boy
Mr and Ms IC, Also, to everyone who's been posting on this thread....
I've always known that this board had the best people in the world residing here. All your posts to the IC's made me cry. Not only are they blessed to have each other but to have all of you helping/rooting for them!!!
When I got home, IC just held me tight. I wanted so much to hug and kiss him and beat his azz at the same time, but he held me and as he did, a calmness came over me. Even though I KNOW he is scared, he's got...confidence isn't the word I'm looking for, he's just got this thing about him that makes you feel that even in the face of turmoil...that everything is going to be ok. I can't describe it but I FEEL it.
This cancer doesn't know what it's up against in my boy. It might ultimately win the battle but I can say without uncertainty that it will NEVER break his spirit and his will.
What's IC little saying on his signature line...If you can't lick em'..lick em'.....I placing my bet now that he'll lick this one way or another.
Lilly, I'm NOT backing away or withdrawing from IC. I had a lot of mixed emotions today but I'm back in the fight Thank you !
Now if you guys don't mind, I'm going up to snuggle with my boy
Wow ! I just read this. I never realized just how lucky I am....to think I was that close to getting my azz beat
No seriously, I've got one helluva woman here. I draw a lot of my strength from her. I've got so much to be thankful for with her in my life. I don't know how she finds it in her to put up with me...one of life's great mysteries
Quo100,
Lill is a very special kind of woman and one of the reasons I come on here and open up. When it's our own personal situation, it's very hard to see what's on the other side. Emotions run high and it's very comforting to feel that hand of wisdom come in and help settle things down
Kind of an odd thing for a Sunday morning, but I received a surprising phone call from one of the doctors on my "team" He was all excited, said he didn't want to wait until tomorrow to call. Seems he's been reviewing the tests and some of the imagery that they had taken. He said he sees NOTHING that would even suggest that this has spead and that chemo would not really be an effective route. He's going to talk things over with the others...but long story short, he's wanting to go in and take this thing out...soon ! Probably going to require a rod or plate to help stabilize the bone (I guess they would have to remove some of the bone to make sure they get it all ??) and then follow up with some spot radiation treatments. He sounded all excited so I'm guessing this is good news???
Miss IC and the girls are gone to church (would probably do me some good to go, just afraid of the lightning bolts that would probably strike me down ) I wanted to give the doc the ok to git-r-done but then thought about it..."Let me talk to Miss IC first, we're in this together "
On another note...Fearless, where you at babe? It seems that Nov 17th Michigan / Ohio State showdown is getting a litle bit interesting and I haven't heard any of that chirping lately from ya..Gettin nervous are ya ?
It seems that Nov 17th Michigan / Ohio State showdown is getting a litle bit interesting and I haven't heard any of that chirping lately from ya..Gettin nervous are ya ?
Oh yeah!!!! GO BLUE!!!! How about yesterday's game with State??? Great game!!! Just realized you two are from MI. I'm about an hour W of Ann Arbor, how about you?
Look out your door...I'm waving to ya No, we're not quite an hour out...little north of the Chelsea / Dexter area. You're an hour west...Battle Creek area ???
Yea, a very good game..had a lot on my mind yesterday and couldn't fully enjoy it but Nov. 17th is coming
