Learning to Trust

[RedHeadWife]

It took me a long time to "get over" constantly worrying and wondering if he was still "doing something."

I know you know this, but sometimes you DON'T need to know all details of the whole sitch. What helps is time & patience w/ yourself, your H and your M. Honestly, it's so very hard, but as time goes by, you feel more & more "safe" that everything's going to be ok. I understand the feeling of "when is he going to decide again that he doesn't want to stay?" Only time is going to heal all of this.

Unfortunately, I can also tell you that I don't know when the trust completely comes back. I have good days & bad days. I can give you an example, just last week, I was feeling awesome about my M and everything and now, just b/c H is stressed w/ work and his tone seems different I'm convinced that he is "talking" to someone or doing something he shouldn't be. I just have this horrible gut feeling.

I will tell you this though, I have not confronted him on it, because it probably is just ME worrying and it won't do any good for me to jump on him about it. This is where the 48 hour rule comes in and sometimes you need to wait even longer -- what this does is allows you time to cool down and think things through clearly before opening your mouth and maybe saying or doing things you shouldn't or will regret later. Sometimes just a few days will go by and you will realize that your worries were unjustified.

Just take it slowly or you could ruin all the good that you have done so far. Make sure that anything you ask truly needs to be known by you. I did not ask a lot about OW/EA. For all I know, it could have been a PA, but I really don't need or want to know this. We're moving on and details really don't matter. It's what is in his heart FOR YOU that matters.