Just getting started peicing it back together 2

[OldFool]

...she expects me to set things up for us to get together always. She never calls me to ask me to come over but on the flip of the coin she says she agrees we need to take it slow but then she says this is ridiculous that we don't get together more often.

She needs to start learning to turn her words into actions. Next time, consider letting it ride until she contacts you. Then be very gracious and willing to do whatever she suggests...but let her initiate. If she won't, then I'd wonder why.

She did say to me that she was ready to put her house up for sale and move back in with me and then realized that she needed to slow down as far as she and I.

She's right. Turning the corner is not the same as reaching the finish line. I can't remember, are you both in counseling (either together or apart)? If not, this is probably a good time to start considering it. As others here can attest, getting back together is full of pitfalls and land mines. A third party with some training would likely be of considerable value.

I try to make things convenient for her for us to get together, but I don't push it at all.

Good. Shoot for "easy", rather than "convenient". She needs to do just a tiny bit of the work here.

I am content with the way things are and I would like for us to stay together but I feel as though I have made it to a point to where if we don't stay together I will be as well off either way.

An excellent place to be. Good for you!

She has alot of debt now and this has her upset but like I told her there isn't much I can do to help her at this point, my hands have been tied by her when it comes to that. I have given her a little money but I have had her sign a paper stateing that is goes toward the seperation of marital property.

Life lessons are often painful. As long as you are not adding to it, a little financial pain can be a good way to learn the value of what a spouse brings to the table. Be sympathetic, but don't bail her out. If you split for good, she needs to know how to live within her means and if you get back together, she needs to learn how to support the M financially rather than simply be a drain on it.

I asked her the other day if she would want to go ahead and get the divorce over with so that she would get her part of the money and get herself out of debt and she said she did not want that. I told her at this point I often wonder if she wants to keep this marriage just so she would have financial stability and she said she did not want me for the money.

Wow! You can't ask for better than that! There are so many here who would give their dominant arm (notice how I cleverly dodged excluding lefties? ) to have their WAS say they don't want a D. Now that you know this, drop it. Ban the "D" word from your vocabulary.

She then replied she wondered if I didn't want the divorce because she somehow has it in her mind that I would have more money if we didn't. At this point we have blown a lot of money with lawyers and 2 separate houses and all the bills that go with that but I am not worried about the money either way.

Make sure you don't just tell us this...tell her too.

I just don't want to rush in to any thing one way or the other. I want to make sure that how ever this turns out it turns out the way it should and there is no more backing up but moving forward one way or the other.

Good. Maintain that as a goal. Slow and steady wins the race.

By the way we have made an agreement... no sex outside our relationship until we both agree there is no way we are staying together. I know I will stick to this agreement and the way she acted she will too. I feel this agreement at this point in time was a good idea.

Good, again. I hope she sticks to it (and I expect you to). See StupidRomeo2's thread for what can occur when this doesn't happen.

Well if so you are too late.

What did you expect us to warn you about?

My wife says one thing and acts another.

This is why you have to look both at what is said and what is done.

She only wants to see me when she is in the mood for sex. She only calls to tell me to pick up the kids from school because she won't be home in time.

So, don't be so available. The purpose of DB is to provide an easy path back home, not to play the role of enabler for destructive behaviors. Of course, when it comes to your kids, you'll just have to suck it up (for their sake). Just remember to document the situations. In the event you do split up, you might need such "proof" in support of your parental rights.

I gave her some more money because she was crying to me how broke she was and had bills and could not even pay for the kids school lunch. I gave her money monday night and she is shopping today.

Look for alternatives to just giving her cash. If she needs help with the bills, most utilities will allow you to pay them directly for application to someone else's bill. If your kids need lunch money, see if you can pay the school directly in advance or use gift certificates from food places in place of cash. That way you are helping, but insuring that your money is spent on what it's supposed to go to.

Again, as I mentioned before, are you seeing a professional? If you are both stating that you don't want a D, then if you're not, it is probably time to start. But that's a conversation for another time.

Peace and wisdom to you.