mk, its not a mlc to take care of yourself. it isn't. moving yourself forward is a good thing, not a crisis. nothing on your list even makes me think mlc.
my h used to be disgusted by people who had affairs, too. there was this big scandle last september (06) at the national sales meeting because his boss's boss (married, natch) was caught with another woman in the company. h was horrified. yet a month later, he started his own affair. funny how easy that was.
he told me last spring that when he was with her, he just didnt think about me, and when he was with me, he didn't think about her.
nice, huh?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Maybe there comes a time when the LBS just joins the ranks of exes in their heads? That is the only way I can wrap my head around it. I am just an annoying, nagging ex girlfriend. It is funny. I still used to see my ex boyfriend in the bar because he is in a band that plays there. I would never show affection with my H in front of him because I did not want to hurt his feelings or make him jealous even after 14 years!! I thought it was disrespectful for some reason.
My neighbor mentioned how it is actualy harder to see when the WAHs are being happy fun, daddies. She said it is easier to see them as screwed up MLCers, but harder when they are normal and moral and still having a public affair.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
could be, mk. I'm h's first love, and first real breakup. he mostly hooked up prior to me...had a casual sort of bf/gf relationship in h.s., and one just prior to us going out, but nothing ever serious.
it is hard to see h happy and fun around the kids, because he isn't like that around me anymore. it hurts. but I honestly think it would be worse if he wasn't. it wouldn't be fair to the kids, and it would hurt more to see them hurting.
have been having a good day. got lots done in the basement, still have more to do but may save it for tomorrow before the kids get here. lit a fire again, its been nice, have been chilling, watched a movie, am starting up my book. nice, a quiet day. a few sad moments, just lonely, but overall okay. I like a bit of alone time, to tell you the truth.
will call the kids in an hour or so to say goodnight. will be curious to see if h acts affronted about me hanging up earlier. not that I care.
Last edited by morgan; 11/03/0707:56 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
You sound like your settling into the LBS roll quit admirably.
Yes MK, you do come to the point where you consider yourself an ex. Once you do, then the emotional baggage you've been carrying around for ever starts to weigh a little less. It's not so bad to think in those terms even if you do hold out hope for restoring your marriage. You can actually do both.
And about WAS being happy etc.. There came a time when I started to wonder if maybe that OM loves my WAS more than I ever did. I know that's an abomination to even consider, but strangely enough I've been tossing that around in my head lately. This is especially true when I do hear from others that she seems genuinely happy. Regardless of my loss I would never want to be responsible for another human beings unhappiness. When I think in these terms, it seems to make the whole ideal of divorce easier for me to accept.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I don't know if its admirable or not, atgo, but it feels a bit better.
it makes me sad to think about considering myself an ex still. wonder when I'll get to the point when I do? no, I don't wear my rings anymore. but I miss them still...I do. I guess I could still wear them if I wanted to, but it feels like a joke to put them on, so I don't.
I'm sure your wife was genuinely happy with you, too, atgo. but its very sweet of you that her happiness makes divorce easier to accept.
I don't know if I'll ever accept the way h is divorcing me. yeah, I mean, I guess I'll accept it. and maybe it comes down to me being a somewhat judgemental person, but I don't know if I'll ever understand how he can just leave me, leave a family, w/o trying to work on the problems first. not only that, but then to leave in such a shoddy manner...the lies, the disrespect, the selfishness. I try to say I accept that that is just who he is, and a part of me does feel like that. but I don't think I will ever truly understand why he had to do this the way he did it.
I finished up some more stuff in the basement. have a ton of kids clothes ready to donate, and others to send off to friends. nice to clear that stuff out. just am feeling more and more sorted. will continue on tomorrow before the kids come home. talked to the kids briefly. I guess I sounded rushed because H didn't even try to talk to me. after I said goodnight to the kids, he jumped on and told me they went to see bee movie then he said I sounded like I had to go and I said I did, so I said bye and that was that. sad, because I wish he would miss me. but really, he has his family, he has ow, he has his kids. his life is pretty full without someone he doesn't want in it anyway.
wow, doesn't that sound a little sorry for myself?
I suppose I'll have moments like that for a while. just call me aresenic, I'm a little bitter.
still, feeling pretty good, so I guess still in a better place than I've been.
anyone want to take an over/under as to how long it takes h to put together a divorce proposal?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
You might be surprised. OW may not have the motivation to push him. Consider for a moment that there may come a time that she dumps him. It's very possible. The only motivation for her to push would be to marry him. From your description of her, it sounds as though she likes the attention from OM and she's already dumped him a couple of times already. Right?
Has he approached you with anything yet?
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
She sounds like she is screwed up. I feel sorry for her son. No relationship can bve healthy if it begins from an affair. She will always have to watch her back and she will never trust him. He may stray again so maybe you will see that gettig out is a good thing. My dad's second wife was the OW and when he ran off with his third wife, the second wife, the OW used to call my mom balling her eyes out. SO my mom had to console her H's OW and say what did you expect? This is what he does over and over. Yes. he is a jerk. No one can change him. My mom had to say this to the woman who snuck around with my dad and then secretly married him!!!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
