Hi everybody - I'm off to LA today so I'll be off the boards for a few days. Just wanted to leave you with a few thoughts about trust.
SIL asked me yesterday how do you regain that trust. And I realized, trust is really overrated. Of course I'll never really trust my H again. It will always be possible for him to do this again. I will never be naive again. And the trust that I used to have was obviously misplaced, so what value was it really? Just an illusion of security when in real life there is no sure thing.
What I think IS important is being able to allow yourself to be vulnerable in the relationship again. To allow yourself to take that risk again, without putting up defenses that get in the way of true intimacy. Without witholding part of yourself from the R. And I guess this is where all the work on ourselves and loving detachment comes in, because the idea of taking that risk is not quite so scary when you are confident of yourself and your ability to have a good life on your own if necessary. When you are able to see that your spouse's choices are not a valid commentary on your own worth. When you no longer need the security blanket of thinking they will provide all of your emotional needs.
Just my thought for the day. Have a good weekend everybody! Ellie
