CVA - Not sure I have figured anything out?

[Not Much Left]

Finally at home in front of my computer. W went to lunch w/ her friends (tells me as we are leaving the soccer game, Ms. Great Planner) and says, "is that OK?" Im like, "whatever"... Then she calls me to tell me she is going to be home to get D11 to a haricut appt. Of course she will be late, she was busy trying on clothes w/ BFF. Again, "whatever". Felt like saying, "why the F are you calling me?" This is bizarre (is that 2 zz or 2 rrs?) Anyway, told her last night/ yesterday I need more than 10 mintues planning times and BAM, another day of miss flighty going about her day like the world revolved around her.

I suggest all of you reading this watch The Real Housewives of Orange County coming up on ABC (new shows). This is my W and her friends, fantasy world, "uhhh, duh, where is my mercedes or whatever", "Ill just get a divorce, itll be fine..."

What is unbelievable to me is these women are supposed to be Christian. I think they selectively leave out the God hates Divorce part, just my thought for today.

I am going to get all my anger out here, ok?

Funny part is their is actually some anxiety lifted as at least I know what she wants. Sort of. A D for sure, then as long as I play nice, everything works out for her....see, perfect, Ds are fine, no long term effects. She moves on, I move on, kids are flexible. Fantastic.....

Oh yeah, ladies, why would she still be wearing her ring? That is odd to me. You file for Divorce, yet you still want people to know your married? I swear, I will never understand women.

C

[Puddle]

Hey CVA,

Anyway, told her last night/ yesterday I need more than 10 mintues planning times and BAM, another day of miss flighty going about her day like the world revolved around her.

This is maddening for you, of course, especially when the plans and changes affect you. Do your best to roll with the punches, though. Of course, if you have plans (that you've shared with her) and that doesn't work for you, just tell her (calmly). It's fine to stand up for yourself about these things. Extra hard when the kids are involved, though.

I am going to get all my anger out here, ok?

Absolutely, this is the place for all spewing.

Funny part is their is actually some anxiety lifted as at least I know what she wants.

This makes total sense. You've been in limbo without any communication for a long time. She finally did something you can deal with.

A D for sure, then as long as I play nice, everything works out for her....see, perfect, Ds are fine, no long term effects. She moves on, I move on, kids are flexible. Fantastic.....

CVA, it's possible that your W is so shallow and self-involved that she really views it this way---you know her and I don't. But regardless, try to let this go. We'd all like to push a button and turn on the reality bulb for the WAS re what kind of effects this will have on everyone involved, but it's impossible. The wishing itself saps energy that can be used to more benefit elsewhere.

You know this: If she's going to come to it, she'll come to it best on her own, without your pointing it out. CVA, you have four kids who are not going to be as fine with the D as W might like to think, and she'll see it. Again, even that might not move her. But you need to take care of you and the kids now. Let her go.

Oh yeah, ladies, why would she still be wearing her ring? That is odd to me. You file for Divorce, yet you still want people to know your married?

I bet it's shiny, isn't it? But seriously, who knows? Are you wearing yours?

Take care.

[Not Much Left]

Hi Puddle
Yes, of course it is shiny, very nice ring. I am wearing my ring as I am still married so...when we are D'd, I will take it off. I do not wear it when working out and to be honest, dont always put it back on right away (now) either.

What do you think of me moving back in? I am sure that kills all chances if there are any so....continuing my house search. Not sure how much I want to spend now. Now it just looks like I am trying to take advantage and will get nasty in a legal dispute almost no matter how much I spend till we are D'd. I brought this up w/ W yesterday during the talk and she says "we can work that out later"

Pretty much said, "Really, later? When is later in your mind, when you decide its a good time to talk about it? You want "space" and agree the kids can come over when I get a bigger place (so nice of you BTW) but you never talk about anything."

In any event, feel a little uncertain now on that front. Of course I can pretty much do anything I want and deal with it later, I just dont feel like fight some dumb "arse" attorney who has no idea what he's in for BTW (recall my comments about me and my lawyer if you have been reading this) over the financials. If it were up to me, I would not hire an attorney at all. Now my W has almost dictated how it will go, she spends money to respond to everything I say cuz she is incapable of handling anything herself. She did not even read the papers before the guy was supposed to serve them to me at work.

C

[SunnySeason]

Hi CVA,

I don't think there's much we can do to prepare for a blow like this, especially when it's done the way your W & IK's H handled it.

I'm not sure on the moving back in idea. I know I said earlier that it might not be a bad idea, now I'm not so sure.
Some feedback from others here might help to get some clarity.

When I talked to you this morning, you said something about your W still asking for a backrub the night b/f serving you.
That doesn't seem to make sense, although she sure seems to have her own unique way of communicating.

I'll call to chk w/you tonight.

(((((CVA)))))

Sunny

[ItsKat]

Hey, CVA,

I already talked to you about moving back in on e-mail, but I guess I don't understand the point of doing that? I don't see what it is going to give you besides more tension and frustration. You don't need that. You need to take care of you right now, and I don't think that situation would be healthy at all for anyone.

Just keep your head on. You'll be ok.

((((C))))

[Not Much Left]

Thanks Ladies.
Going to bed, agree Kat, not a good idea to further my life should this go down. CVA on his way back to CVA.

C

[ItsKat]

Hey, CVA

Hope you had a good night's sleep. Today is a new day.

[SuperDad]

Hi CVA,
Sorry about the papers, but remember that it does not really change anything. If you are meant to be together, you will end up together. If not, not. In the mean time, (like GD said), focus on you and the kids. Just completely detach from the whole drama surrounding your W.

SD

[Puddle]

Hey CVA,

How are you doing today? Any thoughts on how to proceed, or are you still just processing?

Take care.

[Not Much Left]

Literally about to get officially served and see what is in store. Of course my W claims she does not know what is in the papers, BS. I have contacted my financial consultant and pastor today so I can take control of something in my life. Just preparing. This is not going to be fun to read.

C