IC, it doesn't matter why you do/did it-- really. Just get over that part. It was a knee-jerk reaction (so to speak). Bad judgment on your part.

Mrs. IC, if you're reading this: his keeping this from you until right before the chemo was WRONG and ALMOST inexcusable... notice I said "almost." If you pull back now, it will compound the offense.

My late H HATED what his health issues did to us. He hated the way my life became all about him and what was going on with him. But that's the way it was. IC is feeling bad about putting you through this. Okay. That's HIS offense... he meant well. He didn't want to hurt you. He miscalculated. Forgive him. Right now.

YOU have the choice now whether to pull back or go to him-- whether you feel like going to him or not. The past few weeks have been so good. Don't throw that away. You need each other.



When I found out that my H was going to have to go on dialysis, I ran to the bathroom at the doctor's office and had a massive attack of diarrhea (my visceral response to extreme terror). And there was a LOT of fear to face over the next ten years. Some things turned out to be not as bad as we were afraid of, and some turned out to be worse. But it was always better to go through them together. That doesn't mean you have to stick together like glue, or that you can never weep alone... but the more you stay open to each other, the more bearable the road ahead will be.



So. Both of you. Get past this. Start talking again. You're mad. You're worried. You're upset that you just started to get the boat back on course and now there's a huge reef ahead. Be mad. Be scared. But be these things together.

Mrs. IC, go home. Don't punish him for being a scared macho manly jerk. Don't let him spend the night by himself.

IC, get in the car and go talk to her at her friend's, if she's not home by now.

You've got some stuff ahead of you... you need to face it as a team.

Don't overlook the fact that you're kids will be taking their cues from you as to how scared to be. Show them that love will get you through anything, even terror.