Here's another hug for you today, C ((((((CVA))))))
I agree with the others, don't get eaten up by the guilt. Your W choose this, she chose not to try, not to talk to you. She filed the papers (and didn't even give you a heads up just like mine didn't). This is on her, whether she chooses to believe this or not.
I feel no guilt about my sitch now. I know I could have been a much better wife. I know there are lots of things I could have done better. But I was more than willing to examine those things and make great improvements. I was willing to do whatever it took, just like you. My H and your W weren't willing to put in the work. There is nothing you or I should feel bad about now. We were willing to leave no stone unturned, but our spouses were just not willing.
Send me an e-mail if you want to talk. I should be around all weekend trying to rest up and feel better.
