Sorry folks, just trying to get something from IC.
Originally Posted By: Imconfused0807 on Husband's thread... My advice to you...throw the blame game in the fcking garbage....
Honey, Why are you jumping on Husband like this? I haven't seen you much this week and when I do, you're distant and quiet like your mad at me for something. Whats up? You don't respond to my e-mails and when you do, they are just very short and to the point. I'm going to start a new post in hopes you'll repond to it more than you have me. Talk to me please !
Saffie and Husband, I'm really sorry for jumping on your thread and I'm not sure what Mr.IC is thinking but this does not seem like him.
I have to be real honest and say that I didn't see IC's response as "jumping" on Husband or anything. It's kind of like emails, sometimes they can be taken the wrong way b/c you can't hear the tone or inflection in someone's voice.
I felt IC was just saying that Husband's W obviously has a lot of issues and until those are resolved, S is not an issue.
Hope IC responds to you.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I agree there was no problem here. Heck you have told me off more than anybody..LOL I am glad we do not live so close you would have me over your knee.. Wait is tht a bad thing?? Miss IC, Thanks for your concern Hope you get in touch it the Mr.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I have to be real honest and say that I didn't see IC's response as "jumping" on Husband or anything. It's kind of like emails, sometimes they can be taken the wrong way b/c you can't hear the tone or inflection in someone's voice.
Red,
I agree with you that it's easy for things to be taken the wrong way because you can't hear the other person's tone. The problem I'm having is that I KNOW his tone lately. He is avoiding something, avoiding me !
Hi Miss IC, I have noticed that in this reconnection phase my H and I are going through, that when we share a particularly intimate experience, it can be overwhelming, and I pull back. Maybe something like this is happening?
You're right honey, I have been avoiding you. I've gone over this at least a thousand times in my mind the past couple weeks and I still don't have an answer. Every time I've built up enough courage to tell you, you're either leaving for work, or the girls are wound up and needing our attention or something.... I can't hide it anymore and at a time when I need your support the most, I DON'T KNOW the right or wrong way to tell you... Honey, your little crash test dummy has cancer.
Before I injured my knee, I was having some pain in the opposite leg. It finally got to the point that I went and had it looked at if you remember right. Then came the knee injury and I was provided with a cover...not all of these trips I've been making to the doctor were about my knee. They have been running a bunch of tests and while "the team" feels confident that it has not spread, they are concerned enough to begin a pretty aggressive chemo and radiation treatment in hopes of shrinking the tumor on the bone and then follow up with surgery to remove the rest.
Honey, please understand..this past month has been sooo special to me. For the first time in a long, long time I felt that you loved me for ME. Not because I'm your husband, father to the girls and because "it's the right thing to do." You loved me for me, for who I was...and it felt great ! I don't want that to ever end. I know now that you're not like this, but I don't want you loving me out of sympathy. "IC is sick and it's the right thing to do." Kwim?
I'm not looking for sympathy...I'm still me ! I'm not afraid of the cancer, I'm not afraid of the pain it might bring, I'm not afraid of the treatments. I'm afraid of how you are going to react, how it's going to affect you and the girls. You know me better than anyone, you know I will not quit until I beat this.
IC, No sympathy hugs from me, but a pat on the back for sharing your feelings to your wife in this way. I am so glad that you can see how much she loves you...she is the Real thing.
Glad you came forward, IC. As a woman who was married to a man with MANY health problems, I can tell you that I never felt pity for him, only admiration for the grace with which he went through many trials (dialysis, kidney transplant, hip replacement, many other surgeries). The principal way that his health issues interfered with our R (listen up: this is the important part) is when we pulled back from each other...
I remember a very special time right after he had surgery on his leg. We were confined to the house and we sat home and watched movies and made love a lot-- nuthin' else to do! It was very sweet. We had to deal with things, but they didn't get between US unless we let them.
Another time, he woke up with chest pains, so I drove him to the hospital (about an hour away), and he was scheduled immediately for an angioplasty. They put us in the CCU and we had to wait an hour for the cardiologist. To pass the time we sang to each other, gazing into each other's eyes and holding hands.
Are you getting where I'm going with this?
Life is ALWAYS going to throw something at you. No one escapes health issues, financial problems, natural disasters, accidents, or SOMETHING. The key is what you do when sh!t happens.
Also, in case it comes to this-- and it may not, certainly. My husband also lost his left leg and had a prosthesis for the last four years of his life. It NEVER bothered me-- never. It wasn't gross, disgusting, off-putting, or anything like that. Frankly I thought it was kind of attractive and very high-tech. He went through several prostheses over the years-- and they are hard to adjust to, but it can be done if you have patience and a good prosthetist. After he died, I donated five of them to charity, but I kept the last one. That leg was HIM, and it's a big chunk of him that I still have.
IC and Mrs. IC: you can get through ANYTHING-- absolutely ANYTHING-- if you
1) Stay open
2) Don't shut each other out (IOW don't "protect" each other from your feelings)
3) DON'T TAKE MOODS AND FEELINGS PERSONALLY
God bless both of you and your family-- YOU CAN DO THIS!
Life is ALWAYS going to throw something at you. No one escapes health issues, financial problems, natural disasters, accidents, or SOMETHING. The key is what you do when sh!t happens.
This is so true. My tendency toward depression and my H's tendency toward escapism really threw us off course. There wasn't this sense that we're in it together.
Well I'm taking advance purchase orders for my upcoming book.."A User's Guide on How to Fck-up a Relationship." Miss IC called from work and asked if I was OK with her and the girls spending the night at a girlfriends...needed some time to think"
IC and Mrs. IC: you can get through ANYTHING-- absolutely ANYTHING-- if you
1) Stay open
2) Don't shut each other out (IOW don't "protect" each other from your feelings)
Lill, I DID NONE OF THESE! Marriage is supposed to be of sharing, sharing in love, sharing in the good along with the bad...as one, as a whole, as a team if you will. I've hurt her bad...a life changing event for both of us and I elected to keep it to myself. Shut her out, kept her on the outside until the last moment (chemo starts this week). I fck'd up !
Originally Posted By: RealJourney
This is so true. My tendency toward depression and my H's tendency toward escapism really threw us off course. There wasn't this sense that we're in it together.
I have high hopes for IC and Miss IC.
RJ, There isn't a sense right now that we're in this together. I've got this "I can defeat anything" kind of confidence going and I owe most of that to Miss IC. But yet when it comes to something like this...what do I do? I fck it up and put Miss IC on the outside looking in
