Still journalling (copying from paper journal to get feedback from you cats)
On Friday, I half realised that I wouldn't be getting any time on Saturday to do any of my own stuff (grocery shopping, waxing etc) and plus I was nervous about not having a chance to take 'time out' and have a break if things aren't going well.
So I rang h about lunchtime on Friday like he'd asked me to (remember this is the same day that he rang me in the morning about Loopy - so I had already had one upset and anxious interaction with h that day and wasn't keen to repeat the feeling). Anyway, he didn't answer the phone so I ended up leaving a rambling message in which 'I thought that maybe, if he didnt' mind, I could duck off to get waxed while da nd h were at gymnastics. However, in the same breath I said I han't yet made an appointment anyway so I'll probably just defer it to the next week.'
I guess I was trying to do in my typical indirect way (which seems to be a sure fire way to p*ss h off yet I don't know how to stop being anxious and stressed when trying to be honest about how I feel and what I am worried about) was point out that I was actually giving up GAL time for me in order to spend it with him. Additionally, in my mind, it was more important for h to spend time with d rather than h spending time with me.
Anyway, he calls me back about 5-10 minutes later and sounds a bit miffed and said something like "so, we're supposed to spend time together but you're going to abandon me with d while you bugger off to get waxed?". Of course I backed down, saying I hadn't even made an appointment and it was only a suggestion. Then he hmade some sort of comment about being upset that I was going elsewhere for waxing (he used to do all my waxing) and I think he would have like to keep doing it). Hellooo? Does he expect to still be able to wax me??
So I was trapped into expecting to be spending all day SAturday with him until the late afternoon when I expected that d would go with him to his place and I could then unwind.
