Thanks for your post. I'm happy to hear things may be moving in a good direction for you, though as you note there always seem to be signals that point in a different direction.
There is no OW, and I don't have any evidence of OM. I have to own up to my failures about a lack of emotional connection and openness on my part, which I am working through thanks to therapy and a bunch of reading this summer. Whatever happens with W, I'm truly happy with the growth I've experienced. I'm a much better person for her or for whomever is next in my life, and that feels good. I can honestly say that the separation has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me, even though it's also incredibly painful. I'm doing new things, new people have come into my life, old relationships with friends and family have deepened.
I've been able to communicate just some of this too her, and I'd like to think I'm using the limited contact we've had to create some cognitive dissonance in her. I'd like to think she's kind of scratching her head saying, "Who is this guy?" in a good way. She hasn't filed for D, nor has she even hinted that's the way she thinks it's going. She has even briefly mentioned a couple of times that if we had met each other now for the first time she'd have no doubt we belonged together. I'm not reading too much into things, however, as we don't have long heart to heart talks right now.
But, a lot of history pulls her the other way. Thanks to some childhood issues I see now, I simply didn't know some essentials about what it means to be fully present in a loving relationship. I feel she has some growth/change to do too, but to get to the point where we can talk about what I need different from her I need to establish the trust with her that I'm worth looking at again.
In short, I need to be the best person I can be for myself, and if she likes what she sees, she'll come around. I then have to decide if I can get some changes from her. Patience, patience, patience!
Best wishes to you, and keep posting! Make it a good day for yourself and others.
