I believe you are right. I think your H realized what he was missing but just doesn't have enough belief in himself that he can make a committment again. There is always the old baggage that they won't forget that they blame us for. They have a hard time remembering the good its so much easier to relive the bad.
My SIL said you can't live this way. Its driving everyone crazy along with us.
We are stronger. I told my SIL if she would have told me that he had lunch with her and did that to her 6 months ago I would have freaked out. But now I know what I have to do and I can't let him hurt me anymore. We have to be stronger to survive for us. I went to a great conference yesterday on Women and finances. It was really uplifting and I learned a lot. I am in finances but I really learned. We have to be strong and move ahead for us. It might not be the way we had wished for and thought would happen but whatever happens and we will survive. We have made it this far.
A conference on Women and finances sounds like what I need. Before I was married I did my own taxes, etc. Now after all these years I realize how little I know. I let H do all the financial stuff (except both of us pay the bills) I do have a friend who said her H would help me. He does the financial stuff just for fun, but apparently he is quite good at it.
I started a new thread "waltzing toward the holidays". Decided to go to Surviving even though my divorce is not final. Come on over! (I mean to read--not to divorce! )
The conference was really good and it did help me and I am in finances.
I had an interesting turn of events. My SIL who H was talking to when he gave the phone to OW was so mad early in the evening. She and my H had been friends before he married me. Any way She calls me a 1:30am and is just crying and of course you think the worse. She was so mad a H she called him at OW house at 1:30Am and OW answered ( who SIL used to be friends with they went to school to gether) and said let me talk to my H. She then preceeeded totell him how mad she was that he would hand the phone to the OW when he was talking to her. That she needed to talk to him. She had had a few drinks. He told her he would come and talk to her when she wasn't drinking. She is so mad ddthat he would rub this in my face and now the other family members. She was telling me that I need to moiove that this has draug out way to long. WE have been up and down for the last 5 years. When he left and took those other jobs. But neither one of us wanted to get the divorce. But now he is living the life the way he wants so we must move on. I used to think I needed to wait financially but now mentally I think for everyone sake we must move on. Hes hurting the boys and everyone. They just don't see that it is wrong. So I had to calm her down because her Husband was gone for the night. Its kinda funny because she and I never got a long before we were in a family partnership. I think she has mellowed so much now and she is a caring person.
No more Drama... Haven't heard from him since Saturday at noon...He is living at OW house. My S came down and helped me Sunday...I did go to a show on Saurday and it was fun. It is hard when you know you must move a head. Its the financial and looking for a new place it some times gets you down. But there is no way but to go ahead thru good times and bad.....
