CVA - Not sure I have figured anything out?

[Not Much Left]

PS, Puddle I dont have your email so...

[ItsKat]

((((((CVA))))))

I am so sorry.

Can I tell you, though, that I lived through the day you are having today a few weeks ago, and it was rough, but I think every day since then has gotten better and better. I am accepting and healing and getting stronger. I know that this is not easy at all, but you are going to come out of this ok. Actually, probably much better than ok.

If I weren't feverish and feeling ill, I would offer to take you out for a beer or something this weekend. Maybe sometime soon.

Hang in there.....

[Puddle]

Hey CVA,

She of course chastised me for saying anything to the kids. Yes I shouldnt have and I make no excuses.

Oh gosh, I know you didn't feel like you could talk to W. CVA, I'm so sorry. How did the talk with the kids go?

She then goes on to say that she has heard "horror" stories about the financial side and the money did not come from our account (assume it was from a friend for family).

I know you feel like she should know you better, CVA, and she should. But she's scared sh*tless right now. You've always taken care of everything, you're a fantastic provider for your family, and she's just scared. No one ever acted well from that place.

I told her that I was disappointed that she felt I would do anything other than what was best for her and the kids.

Good for you. She's refused to talk to you forever, and this needed to be said.

She said she was protecting herself and was advised to do so.

Again, I've heard this talk, and it's frightening. I'm sure she's imagining off-shore accounts, support battles, and probably worse.

I did my share of attacking her claims (whatever they were I had a 180 respone, thanks for pointing that out Nomo).

I'm not totally clear on what you mean by this, but I think you mean your attacking was a 180---no more calm CVA.

told her I wanted us to go see someone so we could actually talk about things in person and that I realized I have no ability to fill the voids she opens with anything other than attacking / anger / controlling statements so it would benefit our R and thus the kids going forward.

This makes perfect sense, good for you. I'm pretty sure she's intimidated, so talking with a neutral third party is a fantastic suggestion. How did she respond?

So, so much for 8 mos to the day of wanting something to survive that was obviously dead.

That may be true. My friend, that thing you wanted to survive was dead long ago. The question---for much, much later---is, do you want something new with her?

For now, taking care of you. (((((CVA))))))

[Not Much Left]

Thanks Puddle

On my BB as my computer is out of charge and cord is at the house

I attacked her in that every time she said something negative I had a counter, a calm one but stil...

She said she would think about seeing the counselor

I obviously want a new R with her and stay married but unlikely

C

[Puddle]

CVA,

Glad she said she'd think about the counselor; I hope she agrees, since you both could use some help communicating with one another.

Are you still sitting in the car? What are you going to do tonight? Is there someone you can hang out with?

Take care.

[Gone Dancin']

(((((CVA)))))

Nothing any of us can say will take the pain that you're feeling away, but I do want to say that you do deserve to be treated better than you have. You've done so much for your W and kids, and someday your W will realize that she made mistakes in the M too, and that maybe things could've gone better had she invested more of herself in the M.

A new door is opening, brotha -- now's the time to go find it!

GD

[Not Much Left]

Out of the car, got a movie and a burger and back at the apt. I could go do something but likely to drink too much then with my luck get a dui. So, up for a chat?

[Not Much Left]

Anyone reading this, all u guys out there especially. I asked W about living arrangements and me being there for the kids. "I need more space"

Pretty much says it all. I failed at this and Divorce papers are the result. Give them space, if you don't it is almost sure to fail.

[Puddle]

Hey CVA,

Movie at home sounds good; if you do go out, take a cab.

You can email me at [e-mail] (it's in my profile; if you click on someone's name and they've entered their email, you'll see it there).

CVA, I know you're feeling like being served is the absolute end of things. It doesn't have to be. Your W may be needing so much space that she won't relax until there's a D in place. After that, she may be in a place to hear you; she may not, and you may not be interested anymore. But regardless, this is one more chapter. The story has many more to go, though.

Take care.

[alk24]

((((CVA))))

I am so sorry. I wish I had something better to say than that.