Hi, new here and my H is in MLC at 32.

[txbutterfly]

Thanks all. Yes, I am worrying. About everything, and I know I shouldn't...does me NO good. I agree Beth - the "i love you" comments sure sound promising, don't they? Hard to understand why someone thinks you should get a D when they still "love" you. He says "not sure that's enough" and says how "platonic" we are, etc. Ouch.

My DB coach was *concerned* about the NC deal b/c she said it's important to maintain a connection/friendship for something to build on. Which makes sense.
Who knows if "absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "out of sight, out of mind" would be more true in our case.

But I do also see the potential value in more severe separation/NC because H and I are SO dependent on each other (C calls this a "fused" relationship)...even though living apart we still talk almost daily & see each other every week outside of work. We own a business together (trying to get out of that) so for now it's impossible to have ZERO contact. We'd have to make big effort to really limit it.

Being so "Fused" (immature relationship) it's hard to get a sense of who the other person really IS (especially if one of us is having an identity crisis!)...which makes it hard to treat each other with respect, not take for granted. Could show how we might relate differently to each other if we had a break from the R and each other to "come into our own" and each relate from a place of maturity and self-sufficiency. H doesn't sound interested in this, he wants to get on with coming to a decision, not drag it out longer. I'm curious to hear what C thinks.

It's hard to know if H really IS going through a QLC/MLC. He says he is not (I know, they don't admit it) but he has all the classic markers, at least he did when the bomb dropped (EA, big weight loss, new taste in food & music, wants sportscar, even going by his middle name now)...which did calm down after about 2 months. My DB coach said she thought it was *some* type of crisis (identity or MLC) but C hasn't confirmed to me either way.