Mixed signals - catfan's continual saga part???

[FLTC]

CF,

Yeah, go easy on bringing this up again. I think she told you, now let it go. Work on getting that job that will bring you closer to that goal. Even if it doesn't work, you still need a good job, for yourself, for your kids, and for your future. Don't push it. Easy, big fella. You know you shouldn't be going there. Make the changes, they'll speak for themselves.

Army Strong!

[catfan]

No I'm not going to push the subject any further right now. She needs to process it all, dig deep in her own feelings and let it all sink in. She's given me some real clear direction and I am going to run with it. It also gives me some renewed energy for the job search.

Right now I am struggling on another front, not really depression or sadness but slightly more than melancholy. It's something I have been battling for weeks now and I haven't found a good way to deal with it. I can usually put it at bay for a while if I get busy but as soon as I stop its right there waiting for me.

So why am I feeling this way? I can't really say for certain but I guess its a combination of things, the long job search, just missing my wife, family and our time together, knowing that with work we can have something so wonderful and better than before, getting glimpses and little positive indications from her but nothing more then the distance she creates at times as if she doesn't want me around. My best guess on the distance is her creating space for herself so she can process. I try to keep the space during these times.

Yes I know patience and after basically a year patience isn't too difficult, not always easy but it isn't hard either. Still the whole thing is taking it toll at times on me. When it does I get to feeling like this, worse yet is at times I feel even lower and just want to crawl under a rock for a bit. Sadly a lot of the friends I have made this past year aren't always keeping up with me. Many of them know I am struggling right now even with all the positives yet when I need them around most they are no where to be found. Guess that's the danger of having a lot of new friends from a divorce/separation group. I get the feeling many of them secretly are jealous that there is some hope with my marriage.

[Dom R]

yeah... I figured i would NOT go to a 'divorce support' group.
because i figured it would be a whole bunch of people trying to make themselves feel good about getting a divorce.

[catfan]

Dom, it actually has been a good group and experience. We don't sit around in a circle and talk, it's basically a social group so we are going out and doing stuff either as adults or with our kids. So that's really good but bad too because adult only outings can often involve alcohol. It's something I am glad I did because I've learned a lot about the legal process, single life, gotten great emotional support, had a lot of good fun, made some great friends and have people around that understand.

Of course it has it's drawbacks, there can be a lot of negativism at times, it does keep separation and divorce front and center, everyone seems to have excessive drama in their lives and because it's a large, very tight knit group it can be a bit cliquish with drama like high school.

But it's biggest drawback is exactly what you pointed out, way too much divorce or justification of divorce. I hear all too often, yeah I tried to save my marriage but at some point you will figure out you will be better off if you give that idea up. So I am pretty much a loner on the divorcebusting front. There are a couple of people that either really understand divorce busting or are trying themselves. Interestingly the ones that are very supportive all have been divorced more than once!

So as I type all of this I realized that I've withdrawn from the group unintentionally and that may have a lot to do with why I feel as if the friends there aren't anywhere to be found. I've actually not gone on any of the groups official outings in over a month. Last night they had a family outing and all went to this great haunted house then dinner afterwards. I was here at home with my kids.

[catfan]

So since my last post I have been dragging myself back out from under this rock I have been under the last month or so. Gone to lunch with a couple of friends and went out last night with the guys to watch football. Boy I feel a lot better now after getting out a bit!

[Dom R]

Glad to hear it!

I actually kinda "got out a bit" last night, too. But today, ended up missing my wife more. Just want to curl up with her, and havent gotten to in a long while now.
Sigh... it's probably making me extra-cranky on here today. oops

[catfan]

Well Monday is my birthday and two years ago it was the best birthday and weekend of my life courtesy of my wife. So I'm trying to only have good and happy memories right now and not feel bittersweet about it. All my friends here now know about it and are trying to help me out too. Gotta love good friends!

My wife has been rather distant the last two days. I suspect it has something to do with her processing right now. Sunday we had a bit of a tiff. In it we talked about speaking love languages. She said she didn't feel like I had been showing love via LLs the last couple of years when we lived in London, especially after my special 40th b-day two years ago. So I pointed out how I really picked up on the acts of service. She reluctantly admitted I was doing the things she has said I needed to do. So her getting distant is typical of her reaction when she knows I am right.

So for now, I'll give her some space. But I know what you mean, I too do miss holding and cuddling with my wife!!

[Dom R]

PS; be warned that she may decide to do something nasty around your birthday time. it happens sometimes.

[catfan]

She flies out of the country on Sunday and will be gone for a week. So her nasty thing was to schedule this trip a few weeks ago then not tell me about it until last week. Looking at her face I could tell she was embarrassed when she told me. She's taking it to avoid me and avoid any memory of that great weekend two years ago. So typical head in the sand behavior from her.

[catfan]

Well a bit of follow up.

Sunday I was to pick her up and take her to the airport. She asked me to be at the house by 4 so we could swing by her office to pick up some things. I arrive at the appointed time and find out she's already gone to the office. Nice I could have been a hour later. But it seems she didn't say anything so we could spend time together. Ok that's nice. We sat and talked, did a few things around the house and generally enjoyed being together. Funny thing, when we were just sitting around relaxing she just looked at me with the wonderful smile on her face.


Yesterday, was my birthday. It was a GREAT day! I awoke to a couple of emails from her. The first was a birthday wish to me. The second was wishing me good luck with my interview that morning. From there a steady stream of emails where she was just telling me about her day and such. Honestly that felt so great just getting that kind of stuff from her.

We talked last night and she was clearly worn out from her day and traveling the night before. But she had encouraging words to say to me about my job interview. She's as excited about it as me and excited for me. Must say the support she's shown about my job search has been very, very nice.

So now I need to make sure I focus on me, not place to much focus on her or us and keep up the positive attitude. It sure as hell helps me!!