We seem to be back in a determined it's over she's done stage. I screwed up, got too close and pushed her away again. I'm struggling with my resentment right now. I feel wounded and unwanted and it's hurting me. I know I need to let go of that. Beyond that what? Keep talking to her? Avoid her? Go dark? I'm stuck. I've accepted that nothing is going to change in the near future. I know that things can change and that in time if I do what I need to do she may change her mind. But I'm stuck because I know I need to do more work on me, get myself ready to be in a successful relationship, and I'm not sure how to handle myself around her while I'm doing that.
I'm also struggling with the custody issue. My only biological child is 20 months. Sometime in the next year W is going to move across the country. She has said that she won't go without the kids and that if I tried to stop her she would fight it and it would get ugly. She won't leave the kids but expects me to. I'm starting to wonder if she's not filing for divorce because she knows that once divorced there is almost no chance that she could take D out of state without my consent.
I'm pretty sure a custody battle would end any chances of a reconciliation for good. But I'll have a big decision to make, hence my feeling of some urgency. The ideal solution would be we get back together. Unlikely to happen in say the next 6 months... Barring that I'd have to decide to stay here and go to court for custody (from my reading, barring any abuse or anything else the courts will side with me) or follow W across the country. I guess I could just fly out there once a month or something but that is not the type of R I want to have with my kids.
The big problem I have with this is that W isn't too stable. She's moving for school and it's quite likely she'll move again when school is done in 3 years or so. She's also told me that she gets restless and ready to move every 5 years or so (would have been nice to know before we married). I wouldn't mind moving next year, I like the area out there and think I could be happy there. But I don't have any desire to spend the next 20 years moving after W to see my kids.
Seems like one of those great no win situations. My options, assuming we don't reconcile by them, will be:
1) file for divorce to protect my custody rights, stay here and fight in court for custody of D, ending any future chance in the process 2) move across the country, keep things nice, as she's maintained she'd always want joint custody a) stay there and then have to fight later if she wants to move again b) keep on moving after her
This is a decision I absolutely don't want to make...
