Thanks for stopping by chicki, SD, Kat, Dave, CMC, waw, and Heim!
chicki,
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Is this the first time you come face to face w/ BF? I bet that took all the strength you had in you!
I've been around her BF a few other times, and just ignored him completely. This time around it was definitely different because I'm in a much different place emotionally than I was before. I'm ready to accept the reality that they are in a R, and the best thing for me to do is respect it and the both of them for their choices, whether I like it, disagree with it, etc. So, really, it didn't take as much strength as you would think, though I must admit there was sadness in my heart and a little awkwardness in the air (you know, that big pink elephant was in the room!).
SD,
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you have demonstrated a whole new level of detachment. Congratulations.
I think so too, and I wouldn't have known if I was ready to be in that sitch until I was placed in it again. I'm very happy with myself and how I handled things, even if my heart isn't quite ready for the reality.
Kat,
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I find it really interesting how you seem to still have feelings for your W, but are detached enough that you could be in the same room w/ BF, act as if, and feel great afterwards (not consumed with anger, jealousy, etc).
Yeah, pretty interesting eh? I think it's the whole, "if you love them then be willing to let them go," thing. Plus, I'm very aware of my past controlling, jealous self, and I'm always doing my best to supress him until he is gone from my life forever. I've done so well over the last 5 months that I believe it's really getting close to being natural for me to don my duck's back in situations like these.
Dave,
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I am very impressed and it just speaks truckloads about your character.
Thanks Dave -- I know that, if anything, it speaks volumes about my CHANGES in character. That is something that I'm very proud of and that nobody can take away from me (and that I know W will see and be amazed by, as well).
CMC,
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I could only wish my h would be thinking these things. I wish I would not be suspicious even if he did say/do what you have written.
How long do you think you would have to see these things said/acted upon consistently from your H before your suspicions were lifted? Maybe a certain milestone would have to be passed with these changes from H continuing on before you would be able to believe they were genuine? People can change, CMC -- personalities are pretty static, but behaviors and character are absolutely transformable.
Good luck on your journey!
waw,
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I am sure you will find some tactful way to deal with the little Lolita that had her way with you! I wouldn't say anything to her unless she starts pursuing you like a little minx, then address the whole not wanting a relationship due to your current sitch, maybe even apologize if she got the wrong idea. I dunno.
Great advice -- thanks! Also, thanks for the compliments on the growth. I'm definitely proud of the steps I've taken and the knowledge/perspective I've gained. I think I should've waited to become intimate with the 19 yr old (and with anyone else, for that matter) until after the D is final (Dec 7th) for my own satisfaction that I did my best and stood for the M 'til the bitter end. Oh well, can't change it (and I can say that the devil alcohol played a huge role in my choice the other night). I was thinking about having a new R recently, but in the last day or two have begun to regret considering this stuff before the D was final.
Heim,
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If my W were to meet and date someone other than OM, I think I could act the way you are.
Yeah, I agree that the fact that BF didn't enter the picture until a few months after the filing makes it a little easier, but he is still someone who has been (and likely still is) intimate with my W, both physically and emotionally, who spends time with my kids, etc. He is someone that has taken my place, and that is a painful thing to process and accept. Nonetheless, gotta let it go and move on, and if W ever decides she wants to work things out, we'll see where I am.
