new here. Feel like dying

[Dom R]

My screenname is a name that I've always used on other sites. It's in reference to my daughter who loves ladybugs.

ok.. but that doesnt change what I said.

I should first write, that I'm not here to bash on you I'm posting here to try to help you in your situation.

Is it disrespectful because I didn't say Mrs? It has nothing to do with my husband.

Your reasons for choosing it, may have nothing to do with your husband. However, if you really do care about your husband's opinion, then please listen to the viewpoint of another man, when I tell you that he would most likely view it as disrespectful.

I honestly didn't know about respect until I read this book. Last night I wrote a list of ways I COULD have and SHOULD have respected my husband.
It includes, keeping the house clean (BIG to my husband), not withholding sex because I'm too tired, my body language (uncross my arms when we argue, look at him when he talks to me). There's more, but this is where I'm going.

Interesting book. That isnt really just about "respect". Half of that stuff, i would say is more about "doing things that make him happy", or in MB terms, "filling his love bank".

It seems like you are mostly talking about ways to change your actions, to show respect.
Which is a good thing!

I'm curious how you FEEL about your husband? Did you feel in the past like you didnt respect him? or that he wasnt "worth" doing things like the above for?

It's tough to play mindreader, but I'm wondering if his comments about "you dont respect me", were based more on the "you dont do all this stuff for me", or more "i get that impression by the way you talk to me[and/or the way you make decisions about things]"

I sound desperate because I'm in a lot of pain. I am desperate to have my family back, and to show love and respect to my husband.

It don't think I'll ever forget this pain. I'm just kicking myself for getting us here!

I think most of us have been in that situation.
I was trying to caution you about the difference between "wanting to make the pain go away(desperate)", vs "really understanding and being ready to make important changes".