I don't know if I should continue to DB.

[Lissie]

Brenton

I think you need to just, not label things right now.


YOu don' have to be a stander, or not a stander

Just be.

Just go on with your life.

Go on with your life as if he is not coming back ( I know that hurts)

I am sorry.

Stand for yourself, do for yourself,

GAL and stick to it, really stick to it.

You will feel free, in no time, and if he comesback, he will be ADDING to your wonderful life.

He is not the focus here sweety, you are.

[inmyplace]

breton,

You hit it well when you said you would DB but not try. That makes a lot of sense. In essence DB is a very simple concept. Live your life. Worry about things you control. If something isn't working, do something different.

I was actually thinking about this stuff in general on the way to work this morning. Having been through all of this and coming out on the other side, one thing I know I did was to spend too much time thinking and not enough time living. I was guilty too.

Far too much time here is spent thinking about what MLCers, WASs, OMs, and OWs. Far too much time is spent analyzing where the spouse is. Who gives a rat's behind. Do what you need to do for you.

Oh...and to be honest, I think cancelling the mediation session is a good idea. It wasn't going anywhere.

IMP

[saffie]

inmyplace,

Sorry about the quick hijack breton. inmyplace - if you get a minute I wanted to ask you something. I will go and type my question on my sandbox thread.

Thanks

saffie

[Lissie]

Hey Imp look at you and I agreeing,
It makes for a good Tuesday morning

[missmyfriend]

Lis and IMP put it best. Trying is not something that sounds even pleasant. "Trying" sounds like trying to nail jello to a wall. Extremely fruitless and frustrating. I cannot force my spouse to do anything or try to make this whole mess happen any quicker. Even the D. I am letting it happen or not happen. The D is for her, not me.

The hardest thing to do is to let go, of everything. I am still working on that but I am getting closer and each day I feel like I am getting better. My love for my W still exists. The desire to control the sitch is diminishing.

Breton, really consider how awesome you are on your own. You existed before H. You weren't half a person before H. H is supposed to compliment you, not define you. A lot of people do not like this comparison because our spouse is not our child or our brother or our parent or an uncle or whomever in your life but the fact is H is a family member and always will be. We have relatives who disappoint us and hurt us. The best way to handle a family member is to let them learn on their own because they will never listen to you. Let H spin while you become who you are supposed to be. If things work out where H wakes up and realizes how wonderful you are, accepting him back in your life will be much easier and you will be prepared for the mess he made.

[forward]

Much to my surprise, H asked if we were having a mediation session. I told him I cancelled because I want to take D2 out.

Then he said we need to talk about things--he wants to send his lawyer what he needs. I guess he wondered about mediation because that was the chance to let me down easy.

I'm not fighting any more. Not trying. H can have his divorce. I cannot take his rejection any more.

Then H said he had a dream in which I was very ill. Hmm, wonder what that symbolizes.

I had lunch w/Crushee and he said some things that made him less attractive.

The next few months have got to be about me.

[forward]

Well, H today said he wanted to agree to things verbally so he could take info to L. He is so very naive! His L is a friend and my L said that his L is advising outside his area of expertise. My L knows all the judges around here.

I did not tell him I have sought the advice of a different attorney. I tried to avoid legal discussion and just listened to him. Told him that since he is driving the process I would see what his L would say. I mean, what, I am going to verbally commit most of our estate? How silly that would be. Of course it's not binding but I certainly don't want to set that expectation.

It should be added that I was wearing my sexy new boots tonight. Which he did notice. I know. I took them off in front of him, knowing he would also notice that. And I believe he did.

I told him we should leg wrestle instead, as it would be cheaper. I said this with a flirtatious smirk. He said he appreciated the sentiment but that wasn't helping him. He also said "I can't stay in that apartment and also stay married to you." I said "I know."

I feel like a 180 for me is stating that I could rely on him more. I am very independent and I think he felt unnecessary. I told him I do not need him to pay half the rent (this was my swipe at OW, which DB C told me not to do but I could not help it), but as a friend and companion and lover but since he wanted D, I would see what he does.

Told him I did feel bad about his job, that he seemed to be having problems w/how little job paid but I always thought too that he should be paid more. Told him I was sorry he wasn't feeling well.

H was annoyed that I "wasn't helping." I think he thinks I will verbally agree to things, his L will type it up and I will sign it and that's it. I asked him if he wanted some Halloween candy and he said "I don't want anything from you" and left angry.

I am not particularly concerned about his angry or about what he says to L.

[forward]

Oh, and Crushee seemed to be hinting about having lunch today but I didn't take the bait.

I try to avoid having lunch with him too often. But I suspect he will want to go tomorrow. So, maybe...maybe not.

He didn't answer some emails but I know that's because he just moved.

[forward]

Well, today I didn't see H and it was good that way. I went shopping again. Since shopping has begun to bore me I now would like to get back into tennis, so I hope to start those lessons next week.

Crushee remains at a distance but does make my life more interesting.

[theforlornhope]

Awesome post by IMP there. It just woke me up and refocused me again today.

I know the crush stuff has to be confusing. I just met an interesting woman (who showed some interest in me,) while out with some friends the other night.

It's a real boost to the PMA, and you deserve that.

Think of that positive feeling when you get down.