No, H is not gay, nor has he had a religious conversion or realized he wants to be with someone of another ethnicity ... all analogies he's given me to explain his realization.
Originally Posted By: S.T._I Made It!
So if you ARE taking care of yourself physically (which may sound vain sometimes, but it is important that we do this for many reasons) What exactly are you doing? When you go out, how do you look?
I'm going to the gym three times a week, working on flexibility, cardio stuff, and strength. When I go out I look put together and funky/cool: nice clothes, hair done, perfume.
Re the sexy stuff, to be honest, I have no idea what H thinks is attractive about me. He's never told me, I've never asked. Realizing how little I know about him has been sobering since the beginning of my sitch. I did touch his head a couple of times yesterday, just gentle, affectionate stuff, to see what would happen (nothing), and I joked with him some to lighten things up (actually got a snort in response!).
So I've been thinking about all the stuff I mentioned before: what have I really changed (especially that he can see), etc. I still have a lot of mulling to do, but I've decided to do an experiment.
H is moving out in about a month. That sounds like an eternity to me, but I've decided to go full guns for the next month and see what happens. For example, in the morning while H is still here, I usually make breakfast for the kids and get them settled doing something while I go outside and log on here, check email, etc. We're together all day and spend a lot of it doing stuff, but H doesn't see that.
Instead I'm going to make breakfast for them and stay with them---forsaking my laptop!---starting the day with some quality time (that H can see).
I'm going to quit smoking again (H and I quit last year for six months, then went back and have been chimneys since the bomb; I've chosen our anniversary, which is in three weeks, as my quit date ).
I'm going to up the flirting factor---maybe I'll tell him about this very sexy podcast I've been listening to, ask him about that "sex in the woods" book he left lying around after the bomb (a suggestion from my DBing coach, of all people!), etc. I'm also occasionally letting H see me check my phone for texts (without being able to see them) in a Homer-esque move.
I'm going to consciously open up more to him emotionally, and I'm going to initiate those occasional conversations (maybe not DBing, but what feels right here).
These are all goals I've had for myself, and I've realized I can be doing a lot more about them than I have. In a month, things between H and me may not have changed one bit, but I'll have done some good things for me and will be able to say I did all I can think of re the R.
). 