I'm doing Ok, feeling a bit overwhelmed with work, kids, life! I feel hopeful about my sitch, yet a little scared that being hopeful might not be "right" if things don't work out (does that make sense?) Sometimes I worry that I could be reading too much into things, but I try to focus on the positives (H has been agreeable about going to JC, we seem to be communicating better, no D talk) to keep me going.
As tall as you are, I'll bet that Vader costume was very imposing -- I would've loved to have been there!
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As far as W sounding surprised and maybe disappointed, it could have been because she wanted my help getting the kids to bed or because she was worried the kids would be upset I was leaving while some Halloween stuff (handing out candy) was still going on.
Could be, or it could be that the space you're giving her is helping her reflect and even miss you (though like others have said it's best not to feed off of this notion). Bottom line -- and you know this already -- it's best not to project and to try and read her mind. At this stage in the game, since you are detaching quite a bit, it is probably best to keep on the path you're on. You know, focus on you (wonder who I've heard that from...? ).
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W came out of the house to the car while still backing out of the driveway to tell me the story about my dad parking the car, and how he had driven on our plants. She was laughing and obviously trying to share a light/funny moment and she reached in through the car window to touch my arm. Definitely what I would have taken as a positive sign under my DB plan, but now I am always quick to dismiss these things because I hate to fool myself.
Easy to look at it as a positive sign and to become hopeful. Like you've said though, W might just feel at ease now that you've sided with her feelings on the inability to save the M, which lends to her being able to speak and communicate (i.e. touch) more freely with you. Obviously, this also frees her emotions up enough to really reflect on whether or not she can see reconciling with you at some point in the future, but the best thing you can do is just keep living your new life.
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When S7 asked me where I was going I said home (meaning my parents), but to a costume party first, which might have gotten back to W because S7 asked about it twice.
I don't understand. Do you think W asked S7 about your plans so he asked you again. If so, are you reattaching a little bit in wondering about this? Just curious.
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Finally, about 30 minutes later shortly after I had arrived at the party, she called twice to ask about school/kid or house things. They were quick calls. W could probably hear music in the background.
Definitely interesting that she couldn't discuss these things prior to you leaving, esp when she knew you were leaving. Given everything you've mentioned in your post, it does seem like W could be doing some pursuing -- and I'm sure the music in the background made her curious, no matter what her feelings for you are.
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This morning I was thinking that even if W were having doubts and/or starting to miss me, she is too passive and too proud to come right out and say something. She might just open up in her head and look for signs of where we were and what the possibilities were, and if it isn't there, she will probably just retreat to her little hole in the world.
Maybe, and my W is the same way in terms of her passivity, though I think my W is less likely to even open up a little to see if possibilities to reconcile on my end still exist. Maybe they will begin to reflect more, do more work on themselves, and learn that their passive behavior is limiting and therefore make some changes, take some chances, etc. Then again, maybe they won't. Just gotta let it go and focus on our own changes and new life.
Nomo, you're my hero, man. Seriously. I thought I had a lot of conviction. But I've long given up hope and you're still going! No matter what, be proud of that.
Do you think that sometimes these forums, by virtue of quoting and responding, allow us to disect something and make too much of it? I know that in certain circumstances it is useful/helpful, but once someone reaches a point (such as you Nomo) then things ought to be viewed in more general terms?
Hi GD! Thanks for checking. Ten-year anniversary. Trying to get out of town for the weekend, so no time to post now. Will post an update later. Pretty blue when I woke up at 4 am, but feeling fine now.
Later, Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
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