My husband just moved out Monday night. Here's the STUPID ME part - I asked him to in the heat of an arguement. God, I blew it! I have a feeling he's not interested in returning. He send me a couple emails, very nasty, and probably said, "I'm done" 20 times. Why did I do this. Here's the kicker...it's not our first seperation. About 5 yrs ago, he left, came back in a month, then left again for 6 mos. He came back and we've been together ever since, and even added 2 kids to our family. So...when I think about this just being a seperation for awhile, he says, (via email) "are you kidding? We've already done this 3 times! I'm done!"
His emails are vile, I don't know why I keep reading them!
I beleive in second chances, but what about third and fourth chances?
I'm so mad at myself for asking him to leave. I feel like dying inside. I literally feel paralyzed. I haven't gone 1 hr without crying. I haven't told the kids, and honestly don't know how to. Someone give me some hope...
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Do not feel bad for asking him to leave. if it was a knee jerk reaction Ican see why you feel awful it may feel as if you are resposible. Even if ther emay be better ways of handlkinga heated situation, healthy marriages usually withstand those situations so perhaps there are other poblems and they are escalating. Do not feel bad. be proactive. Do not puruse him. Stay calm. Be postive. Act as if you expect him to come home so he feels safe to come home. You have been through this before . yes, ther can be more chances. You can always break the pattern with your husband. It is certainly possible and it happens all the time. Your H may be saying mean things as a reaction or he may hav ehad it pent up for a long time. Maybe it is him being proud or stubborn. Do not argue or explain your side. Just be positive and act as if you would be happy either way.
I know how you feel about regret but it is in th epast so think about tomorrow and how it may take time so be patient. You will be fine.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
My husband just moved out Monday night. Here's the STUPID ME part - I asked him to in the heat of an arguement. God, I blew it! I have a feeling he's not interested in returning. He send me a couple emails, very nasty, and probably said, "I'm done" 20 times. Why did I do this. Here's the kicker...it's not our first seperation. About 5 yrs ago, he left, came back in a month, then left again for 6 mos. He came back and we've been together ever since, and even added 2 kids to our family. So...when I think about this just being a seperation for awhile, he says, (via email) "are you kidding? We've already done this 3 times! I'm done!"
His emails are vile, I don't know why I keep reading them!
I beleive in second chances, but what about third and fourth chances?
I'm so mad at myself for asking him to leave. I feel like dying inside. I literally feel paralyzed. I haven't gone 1 hr without crying. I haven't told the kids, and honestly don't know how to. Someone give me some hope...
Don't beat yourself up, he was looking for an excuse and would have moved out anyway.
(((HUGS))) yep, I agree with braveheart, he would have anyway.
if you haven't, get db/dr and read. it may help. figure out what you want, what you believe in, not what other people believe is right or possible.
I wish I had some magic words, I know how intense the pain can be. if you aren't seeing one, I highly recommend a therapist. mc would probably be a very good idea, too, if you aren't doing that, but your own ic is vital.
take care of yourself. (((HUGS)))
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I think you need to give him a few weeks to cool down. If, and I suggest you let him b for a while, you have to talk to him, acknowledge that you agree that you both need space for the time being and leave it at that.
Because you have been on this stich already i dare to say you guys never resolved your problems, it is easy to go back to same ol' when the S is back. I want you to read "the proper care and feeding of Hs" and "love is tough" by J. Dobson which deals with separation.
Something wasn't going right, and I sure hope this separation is for the best of your M, something was festering between you two, he doesnt' want to go back for more of the same. Get a councelor and let him know you'll b going if he's interested, if he says no go anyways, you really need to talk to a trained MC, you'll benefit greatly, I promise.
Kids are too small now, dont' need to tell anything to the older one, just say that daddy is taking a break for now, that he needed some time alone, I got away with that one with my 8yr old when my H left for 8mths.
Cry but give yourself a time, arm yourself with good books and find yourself again, decide to claim the day for you each day and smile first things in the morn and than God for your health, for your kids, for other blessings.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
-why did he move out the first time? -why did he move out the second time?
-why cant you control your temper?
-why do you think things will be any different between you, if he moves back in?
The "most important" question is the last one. I think the prior ones may help you think about your answer to the last question.
Right now, though, I get the feeling that you dont really know how things would be any different if he moved back. Which means... it would not be a good idea if he moved back right now.
Common words of wisdom around here: You cant control your spouse. you can only control YOU and YOUR actions.
Given that: if you could choose what to change about yourself,and you made it happen... what would you choose to change, and how do you think that might affect your relationship with your husband?
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
I think the reason he's moved out are all the same. He claims (and he's right) that I don't respect him. My MC reccomended the book Love and Respect, and I've learned a LOT about what respect is, and what I've done wrong. I know my husband doesn't think I can change. After all, I told him last time that I changed, and look where we are.
Give him weeks...that seems like forever. I wake up every morning thinking that I must be dying. Sleep is barely there.Every time I hear a noise in the house I think, "he's home!"...of course he's not.
The pain is so intense.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
"ms" is a "politically correct, feminist backlash" against the traditional appellation of a married woman: "mrs".
A woman who is proud to be married, and proud of her husband , I would think would be similarly proud to announce to the world that she is a married woman. ie: "mrs", not "ms".
Being "proud" of someone, isnt quite the same as "respecting" them. but I also see using the mrs title as a sign of respect to a husband: respecting that yes, she is a married woman.
To put it another way: NOT publically acknowledging that she is married, is a sign of DISrespect.
Similar to agent99's husband not acknowleging her as his wife in recent introductions. It's disrespectful.
yeah yeah, it's unequal, there's no male equivalent title. Doesnt change that it's still disrespectful to not use it. For those who think that it is "demeaning" for a woman to use the mrs title, and people would look down on her for doing so: People who would look down on a woman for using the mrs title, I have found also tend to look down on the institution of marriage to begin with, as 'institutionalized slavery/servitude for women', and such tripe. Seems to me that such people are not worth impressing.
Last edited by Dom R; 11/02/0704:44 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
