Now I've done it...again #5

[nephartiti]

Thank you so much, everyone. I did get a full night's sleep and I feel so much better.

This is my reality:

I am a single mom with three beautiful children. I have a job that provides a nice home for us and allows me to stay at that home with my little ones. H still provides financial support that is enough to provide us with our needs. I have family and friends (here included) that provide me with endless support and encouragement.

When I stop fighting and embrace my reality, I find peace and an even happiness. When I try to hold on to my R with H, I am left with hurt, frustration, and anger. When I interact with H, as he is now, chaos and insanity enters my life and the life of my children. This is not healthy for any of us, H included.

H not only has left his family, but he has placed his loyalty elsewhere. By living with "people" who would threaten the well being of our family on such a level, he is supporting them. "Staying out of it" is not possible from where he stands. He is very much in it. He is just not on our side. One more betrayal. One more lie.

Therefore, I am going to strive to embrace the present as life has offered it to me. I will make the most of what I have before me. I will live with the assumption that my H is never coming back. If he does, then I will deal with that at that time. I can not put our lives in a holding pattern "just in case" he wakes up.

Today is El Dia De Los Muertos (Day of the Dead). Normally, we would visit H's mom. I don't know if he is going. I would still like to take the kids. If I do, it will be while H is at work. I really don't want any contact with him at this time.