no need to reply but if ya live near Sonoma County maybe some day we could meet out at the coast and your 9yo and my 10yo could get some fishing in. I have two poles and they don't need a license at their age.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hey Guapa, I am sorry you feel defeated. Tomorrow is another day. What did you do for Halloween? I know how you feel but sometimes it feels liberarting to let go. Your H sounds like he feels like an ineffectual parent. He probably feels a lot more control in his classroom, maybe not, I do not know him. I know my H feels pretty detached from my liitle one and closer to my daughter. She is perfect and respectful, an angel in his eyes, but my son is wild and does not seem to follow any discipline. This just makes my H angrier and I have to intercede and that makes him angrier too. His loss right. You will be fine. And you can let go of that intact myth. Sure it is ideal but you need to strive for what makes you happy. I think there is still th epossibility thatyour H can wake up, grow up, and make this family his new project. This OW sitch will not make him happy. It is insane. But for some reason they feel safer in those insane places because it reflects their insanity. I know it. My H is in LaLa Land too. They could be friggin room mates, the dead beats. remind me again why we are so loyal??? oh yeah.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
there is nothing more frustrating than someone who sees their weakness, like your h, but does nothing constructive to change things. hence our constant desire for 2x4s to their heads. ugh. maybe you are right and acknowledging it is the first step. well, you are right there. but maybe he'll get up the courage to keep stepping towards real, positive change someday.
hope you were able to get some sleep, neph. you've been thru so much the last few days especially.
take care of yourself.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I agree completely, I W recognizes her "problem" but does nothing to change it. Part is my fault because I have given her no reason to change at this time. But like you said at least she does realize she has issues. husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Thank you so much, everyone. I did get a full night's sleep and I feel so much better.
This is my reality:
I am a single mom with three beautiful children. I have a job that provides a nice home for us and allows me to stay at that home with my little ones. H still provides financial support that is enough to provide us with our needs. I have family and friends (here included) that provide me with endless support and encouragement.
When I stop fighting and embrace my reality, I find peace and an even happiness. When I try to hold on to my R with H, I am left with hurt, frustration, and anger. When I interact with H, as he is now, chaos and insanity enters my life and the life of my children. This is not healthy for any of us, H included.
H not only has left his family, but he has placed his loyalty elsewhere. By living with "people" who would threaten the well being of our family on such a level, he is supporting them. "Staying out of it" is not possible from where he stands. He is very much in it. He is just not on our side. One more betrayal. One more lie.
Therefore, I am going to strive to embrace the present as life has offered it to me. I will make the most of what I have before me. I will live with the assumption that my H is never coming back. If he does, then I will deal with that at that time. I can not put our lives in a holding pattern "just in case" he wakes up.
Today is El Dia De Los Muertos (Day of the Dead). Normally, we would visit H's mom. I don't know if he is going. I would still like to take the kids. If I do, it will be while H is at work. I really don't want any contact with him at this time.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
omg, I'm so excited about your s2! woo-hooo!!!! (my s3 has zero interest, I finally stopped pushing it and am sitting back a bit. blech, I hate this part of parenthood so much).
neph, you sound like you are in a good place today. in the acceptance stage. just remember, you'll likely revisit all the grief stages again...they aren't linear and they don't just visit once. (as you already know well I'm guessing).
I'm definitely in acceptance right now. wonder if it will last, and if so, how long. but it is definitely the strongest/longest time in acceptence to date for me, so hey, I'm rolling with it.
take care of yourself.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
neph, you sound like you are in a good place today. in the acceptance stage. just remember, you'll likely revisit all the grief stages again...they aren't linear and they don't just visit once. (as you already know well I'm guessing).
morgan is smart and beautiful (another hint that her H is a fool). She is right, those stages come and go. Hope you are enjoying your kiddos today.
