My son tells me he is "being fair" and trying to split his time between parents. 2 days here, 2 days there. And that he is "trying" to get us back together. If he is I haven't seen it. Except him consolling me when I am upset and crying... ========================================== Don't know if this is still the case, but for heavens sake, do not put this huge burden on your son! he needs to know it is not his reponsability at all, he has no business being in between, tell him you'll handle it. Please dont' let your kids see you cry anymore, wait until they are sleeping, you are the only responsible parent they got now, if you are in shambles they will feel their world coming down on their heads, you are their safe place now, you have to be strong for them. BTDT.
About your H and the kids school work, if it is suffering he needs to know, has nothing to do with being his secretary, he needs to know if there is a conference and be there when the teacher tells him how his d needs help, dont' let him off the hook, he needs to know. If it pertains with the kids it is your job to let him know, because it is about the kids. IF he doesn't show up then that's on him, but you would have done your part as a parent.
Gather your kids together and tell them that despite what's happenening that you all will do JUST FINE, that you are happy to have them with you and that no matter what happens dad and mom love them.
No more calls to your brother, no matter how awful your H behaves, they are not a good source of encouragement (but you know that already) , rant here or at your support group, I dissagree with all they've said, it is easy to say "dump him!" when afterwards you get to go to your unbroken home. I told no one ( and I have a huge family) asides from a cousin who also went through the same thing and my sister, who would tell me "dont' cry ok?" how coudl I tell her I cried myself to sleep and cried at work? I would just say "ok" and not tell her anymore. Had I told my other sis and brother they would've want to dismember my H and would've fill me with the same negative stuff your brother is filling you with.
Your H is going to say lots of things, all your past has been a lie on his eyes, remember the methapor about the colored glasses? my H was the same, he never was happy, he didnt' really loved me, yada yada, he had a lawyer and wanted a D right after he left. I stopped the pursuin and after I told him we both needed space and time he cooled down and was actually somewhat civil with me, I stopped pushing him and convincing him. He's in the anger stage, and that will last at least 1-3 mths, trust me, nothing you could say will make a dent. Work on you, make your home a safe place for the kids, go out with them, fill your time, study with d7 and have time alone with s11, they really need you.
I'm sorry if somethings sound too rough, but you have to do the best with what you got now, you can do it, your children are very vulnerable now, I know you are too, I am glad you have a support group and hope you keep going, I have been there and know that the only way to survive a S is to accept that you will be alright even if he never comes back.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
