I am confused. I have been reading some eBooks and one said to do this" write her a letter and mail it to her, start with Hello, how are you doing? Then begin with "What would it take to get us back together"?
I'm sorry you are going through this.
There are a bunch of different approaches out there. As husband posted, you have to find which one works for you.
That letter mentioned above is pursuing. THe DB approach is do something different than what didn't work before.
I believe that many of us here already did what this letter is designed to do, telling her that we don't want this, we want to stay married, that we'll do anything. For most of us this didn't stop the trainwreck, so doing anything like that again will also not work.
If your previous approach was completely ignoring things and not telling her you want to stay together, then I guess that might be the "different" approach that might work.
I can only say that my STBXW has refused to consider any thoughts of reconciliation vehemently. If I wrote her that letter, it would only drive her further away because she would see it as weakness and pursuing.
The GAL is the "actions speak louder" than words part of the DB approach. Sometimes it works, they like what they see and come back, but most importantly it will prepare you for the worst. It is the only thing that can get you to the place you need to be if she doesn't come back. It is the best therapy you can get.
Be strong.
-------------- The Forlorn Hope:...A picked body of men detached to the front to begin the attack....Fortified, meaning strengthened to stand...and thus, positioned for victory
