You will find different approaches as you look around. It is something to struggle with....which way is right. And not every situation is the same and you need to modify your approach based on which things are working.
I would say, based on what you wrote before, that she isn't in a place where she wants to hear about how much you want to save the marriage. I base this on the fact that she doesn't contact you and even when she was in the same town she didn't bother to come see you. Does that sound like someone that is interested in the relationship?
Trips down memory lane don't really seem to work. Yes, there was a time when you both were happy and wanted to get married. By now, she'll probably say that you've grown apart, it was an illusion, or she was confused about what love is. She'll have re-written history to the point she'll be under the impression that it was never love. If many people are reading this..raise your hand if you've heard that it wasn't even love to start with or that the marriage was a mistake for x,y, or z reasons.
It's okay to say that you don't want the marriage to end. It's okay to say that things would be different. IF you haven't said so before. She should hear at least once that you don't want to give up. After that, it just pushes her away.
You definitely should tell her that your paying off bills with the money in the joint account, you intend to close it once your all set up in the new account, and would appreciate it if she didn't use it.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
