I don't know, to be honest, I think the key is that they aren't me....He hadn't had alot of experiance before me, and so I think this is some of the problem.
This was a quote you made in repsonse to your H's reaction to other women's flattery. That sums up the way it was with me in my own stitch. That is why I'm concerned that it is a ego thing for him that the OW are stroking and it is the fact that it is not his own wife. I hated to have to say that about my own husband b/c it sounds so awful, but it was the truth. The fact that somebody that did not have to think I was beautiful or smart or talented or anything else, b/c they were a stanger when we met over the iternet......that was the point. They reacted in all the positive ways (for me at that time) and it fed my poor low self esteem. It didn't matter that my H told me all day long that I still looked good. To me, he was my H and of course he still saw me through eyes of love.....but these were men that did not love me and that was what they said they saw. Of course, I'm sure it was a bunch of bull b/c that was just part of the "game" but I did not realize it at the time b/c I wanted to "believe" what they were telling me. I think your H is reeling in all this excitment that he has found meeting other women and he has believed from what they tell him that he is good looking and charming and every woman's dream man. Only if he can come to terms with that and be honest with the C.....will it help him. He has to realize that. I can only speak from the woman's POV, but I can imagime that it has to work the same way for a man. Eveyone likes to have their ego stroked and to be told that they still have what it takes to turn heads. I did not have any sexual experience with anyone except my H, so it was thrilling for me to find out that even at my age, I could get male attention. Of course, now I think....."You old fool!", but then....well, it was like a feel-good drug and I couldn't get enough of it.
I hope and pray that your H will see the light before it ruins your M. I hope he will open up and be completely honest with the C or it won't do him any good to go. I also hope that you can hang on for a little longer. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you. I doubt I could have the endurance that you have had, so you must be an amazing woman and he is lucky to have you. I hope he will wake up and realize that before he loses you.
Take care.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
