Hi, new here and my H is in MLC at 32.

[txbutterfly]

Talked to H tonight & I "backpedaled" off what I'd said the other day (at the advice of my DB coach & I agreed with her). I told him I was ok to concentrate on our friendship for now and I would not expect more, that I understand he isn't ready to give more. I did not apologize, and I did say that I still felt the same feelings as I had (about the disrespect of having to pay to spend time together) but that I realized he and I are not in the same place with our feelings right now (about the M) so I need to accept that. For now. I said that just friendship would not be enough for me forever (which is a mini-pressure statement but felt I needed to include that since I was SO strong on my statement a few days ago, to kinda backpedal gradually rather than a total retraction which would look foolish). Now if I could quit blowing up and shooting myself in the foot, that would be nice!!!

I guess progress is 3 steps forward, 2 back sometimes. I was well-intentioned but sometimes with competing goals (respect self while investing in a failing M) it is hard to know what's the *right* thing to do.

He didn't say a whole lot about that episode or my "retraction", but he launched into a negative/hopeless talk track about the lack of progress he is seeing in our MC. Somewhere in the convo he said he was not "actively looking" to meet other women, he doesn't think the "grass is greener", he just wants to make sure OUR grass is "green enough" or could be, before he comes back to this side of the fence...but he still is very negative & I made a joke and said he is in the "negative zone" again, he laughed.

He said he is starting to catch a cold & has no meds at home. So after we hung up, I ran to the store & got him some. Figured since I'll see him tomorrow at work I can give them to him. One of his complaints has been that I wasn't sweet enough to him when he was sick, so what could it hurt.

It's weird b/c I really don't get where the line is between DBing and being a doormat. I sorta feel like a doormat (based on what my "expecting" voice says) but I know if DBing, I need to focus on being a friend, making changes I think I should make to be better person (be patient, not so many expectations), etc. Thanks for listening.