new here. Feel like dying

[ms ladybug]

My husband just moved out Monday night.
Here's the STUPID ME part - I asked him to in the heat of an arguement. God, I blew it! I have a feeling he's not interested in returning. He send me a couple emails, very nasty, and probably said, "I'm done" 20 times.
Why did I do this.
Here's the kicker...it's not our first seperation. About 5 yrs ago, he left, came back in a month, then left again for 6 mos. He came back and we've been together ever since, and even added 2 kids to our family.
So...when I think about this just being a seperation for awhile, he says, (via email) "are you kidding? We've already done this 3 times! I'm done!"

His emails are vile, I don't know why I keep reading them!

I beleive in second chances, but what about third and fourth chances?

I'm so mad at myself for asking him to leave. I feel like dying inside. I literally feel paralyzed. I haven't gone 1 hr without crying. I haven't told the kids, and honestly don't know how to.
Someone give me some hope...