I'll throw in a 'ditto' here. I think you already know that you have to find your own happy. No easy task under the circumstances, but who said anything worthwhile is easy?
My mama taught me a long time ago that if I don't learn my lesson the first time, nature will provide ways for me to learn it over and over again until I finally do. Details change, but the core principle is always at the root of the problem.
Whapu, it breaks my heart to think that you're just back in the same-old rut and feeling so lost and helpless. You deserve to be at peace with yourself and your life, even moreso considering all you've been through.
The chaos will continue to swirl about you...maybe even get more intense as you get closer to finding your truth, but you have it in you to beat it.
