Maybe I'm giving him too much credit, but I honestly don't believe he's playing dumb mind games. This last year has been absolutely awesome for him on personal improvements...

1. He finally got his butt enrolled in school (after years of just talking about it), and is doing really well.

2. He's entirely supporting himself for the first time in his life.

3. He's taking an honest look at his own deep-seated issues. (Abuse-related.) He did a lot of work last year, and is no longer such an angry person. He now does an awesome job of talking through (most) arguments with me.

As far as the no sex...eh...it's more complicated than that.

He has huge touch issues. I can't initiate, without freaking him out. We did fool around some, a couple of nights back, so that was nice. He told me he still has a hard time, and often still feels like I'm 'taking advantage' of him, even when he has asked me to do something as mild as a leg massage. (Yes, I know what and why he has these problems.)

I wish it were as simple as just saying "You want to get it on??" lol I usually have to just watch his actions, and pick up on clues as to whether or not he is 'open' at the time. Pick a bad time...and he goes running for the hills.

Incidentally...I am actually okay with all of that. Sometimes I feel guilty for pushing that button with him...but I understand this will likely always be a huge issue for him. And I have come to terms with that. \:\) Would I love to rock his world? Absolutely! (And, lucky me, I'm fairly HD. Oh well.) But, I accept that this is something about him where we don't always line up.

(Although he seems to be relaxing again...we have been doing some nice erotic cuddling the last few days.)

Oh, and by the way...it's not like I'd excuse his behavior if he were to actually date someone while I play sort-of-wife. I do trust him to tell me. And, at that point, there would be some major boundary changes on my end. I have told him this.

The other thing is...when I successfully DB'ed before...we just sort of slid from angry separation back toward married life. There was no sudden AHA moment...just a conversation to confirm what we both already knew. With xh, I found that the more we hung out, the more we did together, the more he 'remembered' how much he enjoyed being together. What we're doing now is basically the same pattern, just much more drawn out.

Besides...if he's cake-eating...so am I... It's all fun, no nagging husband, and no feeling crazy and jealous on my side. I can go to my home whenever I want, with the mattress he would have never bought (but I love), no stupid messes, and decorated my style.

(Yeah, I know. You can throw things at me now!)

Azhira

my confusion