Sandi To my friend Lou.....thank you so much for your insight. In a lot of ways it helps me to know that men are not as shallow or hardhearted as I try to make them....lol Sandi, don’t think you alone make men shallow or hard-hearted. Men do it to other men too.
In other ways, it kind of hurts. ((((Sandi)))) I don’t intend to personalize or blame you for what you did/thought, or posted.
What I mean by that is that I think I needed to believe (as some others had said) that the OM had moved on to another woman and wasn't having withdrawal pains from the EA with me. I think he has moved on. I was just think, if I were the OM, how would I feel. Would I have thought about you? Would I have said to myself, flirting with Sandy was all in fun with no emotional attachment? Maybe some men and women can move on w/o thinking much about the A partner, but I don’t think I could. But then again, I would have been thinking about your H’s loss during the A.
To think that, made the temptation to contact him again less powerful. In some ways, I needed to believe that he did not have true feelings for me.....but in some ways, I can see where you felt less emotional about OM if you knew he moved on. I think caring people always think about the OP even if all is not perfect. I think lots of good people want the OP to not hurt. All this just shows you have a reasonable amount of concern for people in general, that you are not totally selfish. I think the OM/OW is like a drug and people need their fix. I know I need my fix with BB at times. In some ways I am a drug junkie, among other things, and that is why I and other people stay in a less than ideal relationship.
I guess I wanted to believe that I had meant something more than just a possible new sex partner. I suppose you wouldn’t know that till you had been with him for a while.
I was thinking some of the men and women on line in EA’s are needing things they can’t get at home. I was thinking the OM was a social inept person and couldn’t be brave enough to start a R with a woman, so he hid, so to speak, behind his computer to start a R. I was thinking nerd type or a someone that hasn’t developed enough social skills or someone with a poor self-image. But who knows what the OM was really like.
I hated to think that he was willing to see me risk everything for a couple of hours with him. Yes, I was thinking that too. Maybe some people cant see/think past their own short-term wants/needs. Maybe the OM thought you needed to be rescued. Maybe the OM thought why not get all he could regardless of your welfare and your H’s benefit, or lack there of.
Anyway, that is all in the past. Yes, and I am glad you are on the forum for any help you might need.
Like I said, I admire honesty and don’t expect people to be perfect. I do expect posters to learn from any mistakes they made and to benefit from other peoples mistakes. Life is a learning process. We can all learn a little something from each other. I do.
