The final result is that we should choose to abandon fault, guilt and resentment. Focus on growth and change and learn how to cope with the loss of our beloved spouse...grieve..and move on if reconciliation is not possible. [/quote]
Hello Ophelia and Hope,
First of all Ophelia, I posted here because we have one thing in common, we both wanted kids but couldn't get around it. The woman who my husband encouraged to an emotional affair also has a kid.
One of the first things that have crossed my mind when all the mess happened to me was that because we had no kids and oh boy we tried, is that he didn't saw me as a woman for that as I had some kind of defect. I questioned myself so many times if that was an elephant in the room and we focused on our friendship instead of all the marriage parts.
I don't want to compare your situation with mine but I also see a great friendship between you and your husband.
As Hope said we keep playing the blame game. I totally agree with her on the part that I quoted.
I think though that we can not know a person at all as my great grandmother said until we are able to eat a whole cart of salt with them. People's background are hidden and we can only see their responses when they go through stuff, also they can change through their experiences on a Pavlovian way, we cannot anticipate what we will become. I agree that what they have done shows lack of integrity. But one thing I have learned here and by all the information I gathered is that there is a huge spectrum of cheater's types so I do not know if the lack of integrity is part of their character or situational insanity. Perhaps that will come with time case by case.
Right now, equipped with the things I have learned as Hope said, I am following up on the signs and trusting my gut feeling.
Mostly I am also searching for the key that will switch us back from friends to Human husband and Human wife, without the pink glasses, and if we will be able to accept each other truly as we are.
Good luck for you on your situation and remember that as cheesy as it seems, when a door shuts, a window will open.
