mwel - i don't recall, have you tried speaking with a DB coach? I think it might be a great idea to help you get on the right track here. My honest opinion is that at this point, you can't tell her anything. She won't hear it. Your words, I'm afraid, are meaningless.
Your actions are what have the power here.
It seems that you have put all of your fulfillment "eggs" into a single basket here and, although it happens to a lot of us, you need to recognize that YOUR happiness cannot depend solely on another person or their feelings for you. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you'll be able to do some real work for yourself and for your marriage.
There are no guarantees with DB'ing except for the negatives - the things that will not work have been very well documented.
mcc No I have not spoke with a coach. I have been going to counseling but that is really working. Cost for the coach is about $300 for 3 sessions, right now with her not helping me with the finances I can not afford that. I wanted to talk to one since I first found this site.
Once I tell her what I going to say then I will no longer have a marriage. Only memories..
