Isnt that why we are here, to save your marriage? I dont know what I am envisioning her to say. She is hurt and I want her to know that she hurt me also. It is for my own benefit, in DBers it says if I desire to ask about the affair then I should ask. Im going to comment that I would like to save the marriage in our talk but at the end I will let her know that I will not stand in the way of her happiness...
More than likely your W won't care about hurting you right now - She'll see that as being selfish and that you are only concerned about your own feelings - Which you are, of course.
There's a time and a place to ask about the specifics of an A - Usually a therapist's office is the best place, if you're both ready for it. If you bring up the A, or thoughts about how she has hurt you, she WILL get angry, she WILL withdraw and you won't have done anything to save your marriage.
So, do you want to save your marriage? If you do what you say you're going to do, that's not going to get you what you want. I speak from experience - You won't get what you're trying for by doing all of this.
