My Wife wants out..still!!

[dadtotwo]

My W and I attended my D5 Halloween parade yesterday. Then after, my S4 asked me if I would go TOT with them. My W then asked if I would join them which I gladly accepted.

Spending that 90 minutes with my family together gave me a sense of things being "normal" based on what we have been going through for some time. My W and I made small talk and even managed to chuckle from time to time. It felt so good just to be alone with my W and family even for such a short time.

I can assure all here that I was happy, upbeat, and "acted as if", did not discuss R/M or anything except the kids and the fun they were having. My heart was breaking but I never showed any bit of sorrow or anger. When the kids were done, I asked if I could take them all out to eat so my W would not need to make a meal but she turned me down saying she had a headache and her feet were hurting from walking. She said I could take the kids but I politely said "another time" and left.

I cried alone for the next 10 minutes feeling the emptiness that was inside me. I only wish I could get another chance to make things better than they were before but I know it won't happen.

Later on, I called my kids as usual to say "goodnight". I commented how much I enjoyed the time with them and the invitation. She said, "it was nice and I don't want you to think I am some sort of b**ch and that I don't want you in their lives as much as possible". "I don't hate you and I hope you don't hate me...do you??

Anyway, it was great and now I am going to open myself up to alot of negative feedback bt here it goes...

My W has scheduled our first mediation session for this Tuesday. She did this despite my statement that "I am not emotionally ready for such important decisions". I have decided to go since it is only talking and no signing takes place. The session will end w/o an agreement since I have no intention of rolling over to every thing she wants. That being said, I intend to follow-up the session with this...

I plan to propose attending the "Relationship Rich" seminar in Dallas in mid-November. It is not to be about US but my kids and how we can best co-parent, communicate better and be in the best place for our kids after the D.

I will not insult anyone's intelligence and deny that the motivation is to hopefully have her see that we have a chance. I also realize that it is a looooong shot that she would even agree to go but I have many past attendees willing to speak with her about their experience and how it put them in a better place.

I already am expecting the.."don't push her", "she will see it as trying to be controlling", "she has already left the M emotionally" etc. etc.

I spoke to 6 people, both men and women, that tell a different yet similar story that would give anyone hope for what seems hopeless. The way I see it, I can't be put in any worse of a position and if she says "no", I can look my kids in the eye in the future and say "I tried". My biggest concern is that she will not be willing to go because she has OM and she may be afraid of pushing him away by agreeing to go. I will take the approach that 15 years and our kids and the best future for them is worth 5 days.

Yesterday, the sun shone on our family for a brief moment

I would appreciate feedback on my whole post not just the last part.

Let the games begin!!!