There and Back #12

[Dom R]

eta, dom in no way has he ever dropped her, btw. ever. not since they first got together.

oops. I'm sorry: I misremembered. It was the other way around: she "dumped" him. You mentioned that, with;

well, just got a tearfilled call from H asking why I did that...that now she has left him, that it was over, she won't take him back.

Sadly, this seems to be the most common cause of recovery after infidelity, judging by the accounts I have read.
It's nice when the unfaithful spouse comes to their senses.. but more commonly, it's becuase they get dumped, one way or another.

However, you chose to respond to him, with

told him not to worry, she'd be back with him...

Which then gave him incentive to lie to her and claim you two had never had sex... rather than accept that it was over between them.

It's really sad, the way that the LBS can unintentionally undermine their own marriage sometimes.
My wife kept 'defending' herself against my accusations of having an EA, with "we're just friends... he doesnt think of me that way".
My attempts to point out his behaviours, to "prove the EA", were ignored as far as getting her to admit she was in the wrong... However, what it DID accomplish, was making her feel even more strongly bonded to the bozo, becuase then, ironically, she had "proof" that the OM's feeling for her really were strong romantic and long term feelings... and proof from her own husband, no less.
sigh.


You fell into a similar trap, seems like. You just told your husband, that the OW would stick with him, even when he thought it was over between them. So he went with that, and chased after her again.