There and Back #12

[Dom R]

PS:

not too worried for him...he has her to comfort him. she'll help him get over any residual sadness, if there is any.

Morgan,

In some ways, I'm reluctant to say this to you. It's probably too soon, and you're feeling rather raw, and anger-driven, etc.

I'm still writing this down now, though, because I worry that I wont remember to tell you this later.




Hopefully, you will get yourself in a "willing to think about things" mood, before reading the next part of this post, because it's going to be rough to take otherwise.




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morgan... you messed up.
instead of you using your anger, to gain courage to do something you've kind of wanted to do for a long time (confront your husband), you let your anger use you.


Showing your anger to your husband, shook him free of OW disease for a moment. Completely free.
There are many marriages, that have been recovered, because in that crucial moment of exposure, the spouse has been filled with remorse, and made a decision to drop that nastiness behind them.
Certainly not ALL spouses.. but some.
The spouse has, in some of those instances, committed to dropping the OP forever, in a long-term meaningful way.

I think you had an opportunity to do that. He had dropped her, and came chasing after you.

But then you let your anger take you where it wanted to go, and you slammed the door in his face.
He had nowhere to turn, but back to her.


So... he did. and thus sunk back into the swamp.



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Your husband has committed adultery. You have a right to divorce him, if that's what you want.

But, it doesnt have to be that way. You said that "your marriage is over".
However, it's only over, if you truely want it to be.

Many people have recovered their marriage from actual affairs here. And had a stronger marriage afterwards, in spite of it.

All this time, you "kinda knew" that he was cheating on you... but you didnt really process it internally. Suddenly, you were forced to face it, and you went into shock.

When the shock factor wears off... maybe, think about things again.

I'm not saying go running back to him.
I'm not even suggesting you approach him.

All I'm suggesting is: if, in your heart of hearts, you still dont truely want a divorce... then if he approaches YOU again... choose not to slam the door in his face so completely.

I think he deserves the cold treatment from you that he is getting now.
But, if he specifically tries to open up the topic of, "I'm sorry, can we work things out?"... it could be worth listening to.