If you've tried the supplements before, it might have been one that wasn't really good. meaning, not all brands or forms, are alike. the best way to take is thru nutrition from foods/liquids. If it's in pill form, our bodies only absorb 10-20 percent of it. I'm glad that you will start doing yogurt again, especially if you get on antibiotics. (do the whole milk, it tastes better, and they're finding out that low fat diets really aren't as healthy as they thought) Antibiotics can be very damaging to the body, and yogurt can definitely help keep the good bacteria from all being killed. I'm also not sure that Doctors would actually diagnose someone w/ candida. It's kind of a naturapathic diagnosis, I was thinking, could be wrong though.
I gotcha on the ML. I think it might have helped asking more direct questions, then asking the same vague one. Or even just saying, I really enjoy ML w/ you, but I want to do it in a monogamous R, so I need you to honestly tell me if you are involved physically with anyone else, or if it happens in the future. The ML is definitely something you need to figure out what to do. I was so turned on by my H (I think it was the whole, you want what you can't have, thing.. cause I've kinda lost it..oops) that I couldn't almost keep my hands off of him. And I even knew he was lying about seeing her, so I know that was stupid of me in the disease side of it all, but I was under the assumption that we had already ML after he cheated. Anyways, I do think it can be a good thing to continue, if it's in a healthy way. I was really concerned that my H was trying to eat his cake too, but later realized that he really WAS confused, and just really screwed up. The thing with ML, is that guys get love from it. We have to feel loved in order to want it, and guys are the other way around. So in your sitch, if it's not causing you to detract from what you know you need to continue doing and if H is not being totally disrespectful to you (which IMHO I don't think he is- comparing him to my H- I just think he's really messed up, and making stupid decisions, not purposely trying to be a jerk to you out of evilness), then if you feel compelled to ML, then I say go for it. If you really trust him on the not having sex w/ anyone. Michelle is for it as well, in the right situations.
What's really weird to me is that he keeps telling you "don't worry about this girl" like, don't worry cause she's not going to take me away from you. ????okay, if he isn't wanting to work on the M, why on earth would he say this? I almost think that in the back of his mind, he knows he should stay and it would be the right choice, but he's totally set in his mind that he can't be happy that way either... but the problem is that he's still searching for it from someone else, and he's not going to find it.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Hey ST - I'll keep replying here til this one locks up, then I saw you found my post in MLC (thanks!!).
The one I tried was called "PB-8" - supposed to be a pretty good one, but they all seem to out-do each other in the "better supplement" category so it's hard to say. Agreed, the best is definitely through nutrition. I can drink the pure cranberry if I water it WAY down, just can't get a whole quart in per day. I have been drinking as much of it as I can, though. Yeah, the yogurt's definitely good too. I never really bought into the super-low-fat diet thing much. I always felt really crummy if I tried to do that, so I went with what felt better - which was almost no sugar, low refined carb, don't worry about the fat. Funny thing is my doc always talks about how my cholesterol is amazing... they'd be shocked if they saw my diet since I eat eggs, butter, etc. It's not ALL I eat, by any means, but I worry more about making sure I get enough veggies and protein.
Yeah, I agree docs probably wouldn't diagnose somoene w/Candida. I actually got that possibility from a low-carb site I was on a long time ago. If you have an actual yeast infection I think they will, but not with a general 'intestinal' type.
Good point about the more direct questions on the ML... need to work on that. I do think I need to cut it (the ML) out for now. Don't really WANT to but it seems like a very bad idea.. I dunno. Maybe even be really flirty and express that I want to but, not under the circumstances. I need to think on it more, but being paranoid the last few days that this whole infection might be STD related has really freaked me out.
Agreed it's funny how he talks about the latest EA. I think it's something like "Don't worry about her, I want out regardless of whether she's in the picture or not" - but hard to say. Yep, not going to find the magical happy pill from someone else.. took me awhile to realize it, and I think it may take him longer.
Tonight was pretty fun - was so glad we got a lot of trick-or-treaters. I always loved giving out candy, even more than going out trick-or-treating when I was a kid, so I was really hoping. We get 2-3 kids one year and 50 the next so it's always kind of a guessing game. We got around 30 this year. Yay!! Two of them said my pumpkin was the "coolest one" they'd ever seen, and one asked me if it was fake/store-bought... that was kinda funny. It wasn't THAT fancy, but I guess in comparison to the neighbors it must have looked neat or something.
We didn't talk much tonight. H came home and looked ready to talk but the doorbell kept rinigng.. I was so NOT in the mood to go through it again, either, so I said "Maybe later?" H said yeah and that was about it. We were much more relaxed the rest of the night. It wasn't "Let's never talk about it," just, "let's talk about it soon but not now." Think that helped.
I did drive around a few rentals / possible purchases tonight. Didn't see any promising rentals again but found a possible place to buy that I really liked. Not as much as where we are now - not even close - but a place I could see myself living and enjoying and most of all feeling safe. If things move quickly I'll try to buy there... not planning to push things quickly, but it's nice to kind of have that place in mind.
Thanks again ST for checking in! I hope they find out this is just a run of the mill thing.. probably is, just keep thinking "don't pile on more right now!"
Last edited by NikkiB; 11/01/0705:26 AM.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
That is SOOOO funny you mentioning eating butter, eggs etc. I was gonna go into an article I just read in mens health mag. It says the EXACT thing as you describe. Eating fats but having great cholesterol. You wanna know WHY?????
It's because we have those two cholesterols (forgot the names Hdl or something) well, 1 is bad and 1 is good. Since they found the bad in the butter and fats, they thought, hey, lets eliminate all the fats and then peoples cholesterol will be better. WRONG. In some people it made it worse. Depending on the rest of their diet.
It's because these fats also have the good fat too. When, combined, the good fat eliminates the bad fat in your body, so much so, that the ratio becomes even lower for bad fat if you eat things like real butter, eggs, etc. How funny huh. You can't always trust the hype. I've always stuck to the real stuff too. That is awesome that you listened to your body. A lot of people don't/can't do that, or don't know how.
That's awesome about the compliment for your pumpkin! I bet it did look great.
very glad that you guys didn't get into the "talk" thing the very next day. especially with all the distractions.
It is a wise thing to be prepared.. regarding the possible new place. Hope you don't find something and be rushed into buying it. However, if it's a purchase, you could always fix up some stuff and turn around and sell it, if you really needed to.
If your feeling scared about the ML thing, than you should go with your gut feeling. Protecting yourself is more important for sure. And you can specifically tell him that you love ML with him, but right now you would feel safer not doing it, although it's gonna be really tough. gotta throw it in to make him feel wanted by you (in that sexual way, not the emotional I need you thing)
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
You are talking about the Atkins Diet and it is awesome. However it is a life change and you need to keep the changes or you, well as with any other diet gain the weight back. I lost 80 lbs 10 years ago and gained it back because i tried to eat all the normal crap again. Didn't work. This time i have lost 46 so far over the coarse of a year.(also with the help of MLC) and want to loose 40 more. It didn't take that long the first time but with things so screwed up i haven't focused as much on it till now. I have worked more on me again. I also know i will have to keep up the changes. Also don't let anyone tell you it's bad for your kidneys and other organs. I went to a kidney specialist and he said that it's just fine for me. Docs usually don't like the diet.
I eat a lot of fish chiken some eggs, tuna, green veggies,cheese, and so on . My carbs come from the veggies these are good carbs as ST stated. Starches like bread and potatoes are a no-no.
Nikki kudos on the pumpkin. My son loves to carve extravagent ones. Remember don't do what you don't feel comfortable with.
Or if you want it Just make him want you do it then get up first say thanks for the sex and walk out of the room leaving him to think what the he$$ just happened.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Yep, all true on the diet thing! I did a lot of reading on it years ago. I forgot to mention anothere interesting thing. I shared some of the info with my mom and at first the ONLY change she made was to switch from margarine to butter... still ate pretty badly. That change alone dropped her cholesterol by about 20 points in a year.
About Atkins - yep, I did that for years, also. I don't completely go off of it ever, but I'd say I'm closer to the Protein Power type diet now (not that they're all that different, in the long run). I have lost a total of 80 lbs or so over the last 5 years. Another 20-25 to go... the bomb diet may just get me there. Fortunately the most gain I have ever had was about 15 lbs when I was in bed with my broken leg and pretty much let my eating go to heck plus had no exercise. I am hoping that since it was relatively slow loss it will stick. It was mostly in large chunks followed by long plateaus.
I find it funny that if you describe WHAT you eat most people and pretty much every doc out there will go "Oh yes that's very healthy!" But if you say "I'm doing Atkins" you get anything from "that's healthy" to "OMG you're going to drop dead tomorrow!" Kind of funny how that works.
Totally agree it has to be a life change. You can have treats here and there, but you really need to stick with it (or whatever diet works for you) long term. Congrats on the 80 lbs and the 46 now!
The pumpkin was a lot of fun - brought it inside before it ended up all over the street (the kids like to do that here for ones left out overnight). So I'm enjoying it again today.
I need to post pics of it later on. Jak - would love to see the one your son did also! I don't even think mine's that extravagent (I have done much fancier ones before) - but it turned out cute. I think the critical thing was that I cut a hole in the bottom and put in a "pumpkin light" (basically a battery operated light that strobes and looks like a flickering candle). So there's no "lid" cut out of the top, which looks really different.
On the ML... yeah, definitely will not do anything when I don't want to or I'm not comfortable with it. I am probably being overly paranoid about this infection, just bad timing on that. Although H is such a bad liar that I do believe him maybe 95% that there's no PA. Even with all of the practice lately he is still a horrible liar. Guess I can count that as a good thing though huh? I do think if/when we sep it needs to be off the table as an option this time - I hadn't looked at it that way until someone (OT I think?) pointed out that it can be pretty darn unattractive to be basically throwing yourself at someone who has said they don't want you. Yeah it's fun at the time but the message it sends is not so great in that situation.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Well this is interesting.. did a little more real estate / rental research today.
You may remember the L telling me that all I'd owe H is the difference between what our house could rent for and the mortgage. Also that he would likely owe me minimal spousal support between the time of filing and D. We kind of guesstimated that the numbers would cancel each other out.
Turns out our house would likely rent for about $100 MORE than our mortgage per month. If I "gave" the tax deduction to H.. he'd owe me around $250-300/month between filing and D. In our state, that's at least 6 months. And that's really all the difference I needed to find between the scary rentals I looked at and the much nicer ones.
In a nutshell... HUGE sigh of relief. It still means I basically can't move out without filing to get the financial stuff in place, but it also means I can afford to rent somewhere that's safe and a decent place to live.
Not ready to do any of that yet but WHEEEWWWW that feels better.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
"Or if you want it Just make him want you do it then get up first say thanks for the sex and walk out of the room leaving him to think what the he$$ just happened."
THAT IS GREAT!!!!! I know you wouldn't do that, but I still love it anyways.
Very glad that you have better options on the rent thing... that is way cool. I would hate for you to not be able to be someplace safe.
I guess I don't know much about the atkins diet except that the guy died of a heart attack. I don't agree with cutting out carbs, because I think we need carbs in our diet, but definitely not the processed/enriched crud that's everywhere. Grains are good for the body.. they provide phytonutrients too, cause they do come from plants.
It is wonderful to hear both of your weight loss. Really, it has to be a lifestyle change, that's why diets don't work. people go back to their old habits and it all goes back.
Nikki, that is so crazy that your mom gets on butter and her chol. goes down! It's all a conspiracy!!!!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
ST yeah, I love that response on the sex too!! You know, if I was in the right ornery mood, I could actually see myself saying that.
Yes, I'm glad on the rent thing too... was really a relief. I felt guilty about it at first but realized tonight - it's kinda like well if you want someone to pay half and you're kicking me out, then find a roommate to pay half. Why in heck did I let myself feel guilty over that??? Makes no sense. I'm over it though.
On the Atkins thing - well, yeah, he died of a heart attack but he had a pre-existing condition for many years that had nothing to do with what he ate, cholesterol, etc. I forget what it was now, but I remember it got all twisted around in the media reporting. The diet doesn't actually cut out all carbs, but that's a big misconception about it. For the first TWO WEEKS only you're under 20 a day and the 20 is pretty much all veggies - but then you add carbs back in gradually at whatever level your body can handle. I know where you're coming from, I had people at work doing it and thought it was some crazy insanely unhealthy fad diet til I actually READ the book, read the maintenance diet, and went "ohhh this makes so much sense!"
It really is funny that if you show a doc the menu they go "This is great!" but if you say "I got this from Atkins" they go "This is so unhealthy!"
(don't get your hopes too high, I think our neighbors must do really lame pumpkins for the kids to get SO excited about this one!)
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Oh... and it's a pretty bad pic of him but the cute guy resting his hand on my back in the photo of us with our pumpkins.. yes, that would be the guy H and I ran into one time who said hi to me from across the street.
(not interested in the guy or really any guy right now, but he's nice to look at!!)
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
He actually fell and hit his head, developed a blood clot, and died from that. It was not from heart disease.
I did Atkins for years, and I have to tell you, my energy level, health, and fitness are better when I do it. My body needs more protein than some other people. H is a pescatarian (veggie who eats fish), and I tried doing that. I ended up feeling like absolute crud. On Atkins I eat lots of whole foods and actually consume less food overall because I'm easily satiated.
Anyway, just wanted to clear up he didn't die from his diet.
Nikki--when H and I were separated in the same house, my rule (in my head) about ML was that H would have to initiate, and I would treat it like a physical act. Now...I *did* prance around in pretty nighties as a part of my PMA strategy, but I NEVER touched H or suggested in any way that we ML.
If you're worried about disease, use a condom. That, too, makes a nice little statement.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I bet it did look great. 
