What is up with the no kissing thing? When did he start doing that? God, I now remember my H rejecting sleeping with me and I did not even realize he was being loyal to OW. And I am not saying that is whatyour H is doing by any means. I actually believe him when he says he is not cheating. I believe that EA is cheating but I believe it is all in his head, all fizzled IMHO. He just cannot grow up.
At least you got a little snogging. Sorry, I have been celibate for frigging 8 months!!!
Remember Neph, nothing has changed. You can continue with the status quo. Only your perception of the past has changed, only your view has shifted. If you stay focused and stay positive you will see that you can get through all of this.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
the no kissing thing is so weird. well, not weird, but I guess the reverse for me. after the bomb when we first started having sex again (when I thought he and ow were over), I couldn't kiss him. too intimate. weird to say that, made me remember julia roberts in pretty women and I really got what that line meant. it is a very intimate act. sex is too, of course, but something about kissing, I don't know. I talked to my friend about it and she said it was very normal. but the thing is, H wanted to kiss me...it drove him crazy that I wouldn't. I guess I am just surprised that your h draws the line at this. but then, maybe he's trying to keep his distance and it matters to him, unlike my ass of a husband who could care less, just does what he wants/when he wants it.
I applaud your strength here, neph. good boundary to draw, in my book. not one I'm terribly successful at, granted. probably why I admire it so much in others.
hope you slept last night. I've been thinking of you.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
The no kissing thing started post bomb, but pre-separation. Sex got less and less intimate. When we ML a few weeks ago, it was fab. I don't know what his deal is now.
Sara, no he is not on drugs or alcohol. His job is his top priority. That is where OW is.
Thanks, MK. You are right, of course. I wish I had gotten on here and read your post earlier. Maybe I would have not obsessed so much last night.
I am beginning to think this whole sitch with H has a lot more to do with me than I realized. I know I have been struggling with depression since my baby. So H found a "friend". Of course, that was not the best way for him to handle things. Of course I responded negatively, but I think my own insecurities, along with the depression, really exasperated the sitch. They fed off each other. Does that make sense? This, of course, pushed H farther away from me and closer to OW.
I know everyone on these boards struggles with obsessive thoughts and may act out a little. I think of the things I've done, and I just cringe. Before anyone acts, heed the following as a warning.
I went to the school one day and looked through the yearbook. I didn't think it was that big of a deal at the time, but apparantly, it has caused quite an uproar. Someone from the student store called the office and said someone was looking at pics of the teachers (I obviously wasn't a student or a teacher). One of the VP's stopped me in the hall and pulled me in his office to find out why I was there. It was quite an interrogation. Anyway, I guess OW felt very threatened that I was there. The school sent a letter stating that I was no longer allowed on campus. OK, fine.
Now that I showed up at her apartment to see my H, I am hearing that I am "harrassing" her. Aparrently, as a teacher, she is under special protection by the state and is considering pressing charges. Yikes. Plus, in the beginning of our sitch, when I was first confronting H about the phone bill, he forwarded a v-mail I left him to her where I told him something like "You better come clean and tell me who this is or you better believe I will be calling this number (on the bill) over and over until I get to the bottom of this. I will harrass them. I will find out." Her BF called me once after that threatening me with a restraining order. It is a "threat" to harrass her. She has made it very clear that she still has that message recorded along with a few others that were less than appropriate that I left in weak moments. So she is making a case against me. H called and told me about it, but he says he is staying out of it.
It isn't against the law for her to help break up my family, but it is against the law for me to retaliate. So, although these OP cause immense damage to us and our families, we must mind our manners and protect ourselves. If you are going to call and tell them off, do not leave a v-mail. Do not e-mail. Do not leave a trail at all. It is better not to call at all, but if you do, let it be their word against yours.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
So H found a "friend". Of course, that was not the best way for him to handle things. Of course I responded negatively, but I think my own insecurities, along with the depression, really exasperated the sitch. They fed off each other. Does that make sense? This, of course, pushed H farther away from me and closer to OW.
Oh neph, you are right on with that. Right on. That is exactly what happened here, and H readily admits it as well. He was lonely, felt abandoned by me, found OW, and there it went.
Ok, reading your posts with all the actions that have happened with OW, OW's BF, the school, and your H, I am thinking you need to be super careful here. Yes, the things you did are justified, but they can totally be used against you in the future. No more visits to anyone or anywhere. They are being irrational with the ban from school, and the threat of the restraining order, but they seem to mean business.
Hey, everyone. I'm feeling pretty run down and defeated today. I'm running on 6 hours sleep in two days, and boy do I feel it.
I talked to some lawyers today just to cover my bases. The most they can do is file a civil restraining order. I'm not going to stress too much about that.
I'm taking a break from DBing for now. I guess that would mean I'm going dark. I'm not sure if I still want to try to save my M at this point. I'm just going to take some time for me and my kids.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
omg, neph, (((HUGS))) I've somehow missed your last few posts. I'm so sorry, honey, and not a little worried about you. I'm soooo glad you talked to lawyers today. try to get some sleep. I wish I lived closer so I could help you with the kids or something. you need sleep.
please take care of yourself. e-mail me any time. I'm thinking about you. please don't go dark from here, whatever you do.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Thank you Husband and Morgan. No, I won't go dark from here. This is my life line.
I've really been thinking about my reasons for still holding on to this R. I want my kids to have an in tact family. That is number one. However, I am beginning to think that my H just isn't capable of that. Obviously, he is not now. I'm not sure he ever will be. It hurts because I can not understand it at all.
When we were driving, he was talking about an article he read about the demise of empathy and selflessness in the youth of our society. He was asking if S2 showed empathy to D when she cried or was hurt. I said, "Yes, he does all the time." H said he knows he's not setting a very good example in this department right now, but he hopes that S2 learns these values.
I want to just hit him with a 2x4. He seems to see his weaknesses. I guess that is the first step towards change. I see mine also. I admit change does not come easily. It is work and it takes determination. I have fallen many times on this journey. I am going to rest a while. Then I will pick myself up and keep walking, with or without H.
S2 is asleep so I'm going to take D and go lay down. I will catch up on everyone's threads soon.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
